Laszlo Polgar

So we're watching "The Magic Flute" in Music History. Amazing. Despite the fact that it is sexist, racist, and about how wonderful freemasonry is. The particular production we are watching is rather quirky, but very fun. It's not like a blockbuster Met production but historically more accurate, trying to imitate how the opera would have been presented in Mozart's day.

Anyways, it is very fun and reaffirming the rather obvious conviction that Mozart was a genius. All the performers are good, but the guy who plays Sarastro, Laszlo Polgar, has the most amazing bass voice ever! He shows up late in the second act but the minute he started singing I thought "wow! That is amazing!" I love it when guys have deep, rich singing voices. Anyhow, here is a short clip of him singing Sarastro's second aria. It is not my favorite piece of music, but you have to agree that his voice is (or at least was, I don't know if he's still singing), pretty spectacular.

Marcus Roberts is a Very Big Deal...

On October 18th I will be playing with the Whitworth Jazz Ensemble and with my jazz combo for a clinic with Marcus Roberts, who is an extraordinary jazz pianist... Yikes! Needless to say, I'm quite frightened. Check out his website and you'll see why.

The Real World?

I experienced a slight slap in the face this afternoon. It happened in the library, where I witnessed possibly the first instance of "bullying" I've ever seen on campus. I was in the reading room, happily skimming the paper when a loud group of three entered.

I heard a "Hey man, what's up," and only then noticed the other student that had been in the room with me. He was kind of short, pasty, a little overweight, and wearing glasses. The two guys in the group, who were addressing him, were tall, muscular, tan, with backwards baseball caps and pants that didn't cover their underwear. There was a girl with them. Thin, tan, stylish. It was almost out of a badly written Hollywood movie.

The new group proceeded to form a sort of circle around the kid, the sarcasm apparent in their voices as they asked how he was doing, one of them actually ruffled his hair. I wondered if it was some sort of social norm experiment by the sociology department. I nearly fell out of my chair when one of the guys asked "how's the females?" in a not so subtle jibe at the other guy's lack of physical attractiveness. Not surprisingly, he didn't know how to respond. The aggressive dialogue continued for a bit before the recipient got up and said he was leaving because he had to study for a test and didn't want to be bothered. At this point I'd been glaring at the group of them, in spite of myself, without even trying to hide my disdain. I thought I'd left this behind in high school! Did they honestly think this was appropriate behavior? How old were these kids?

They managed to calm him down a bit and he stayed and chatted with them. I kept expecting them to openly laugh at some of his comments, which were unfortunately a little dorky. But at this point hopefully they realized they were acting like jerks because they managed to show some restraint. I was interested to see what sort of conversation would follow after he left, but either because I was there or because another friend of theirs showed up they didn't pursue the topic. I personally found their lack of acceptance sickening. It's one thing to not understand somebody else because they are different. It's another to victimize them because of it.

Anyhow, this relatively minor occurence is the type of thing I'm fairly sensitive too, because I always identify with the recipient. And it got me thinking that maybe I'm overestimating the ability of people to mature. Maybe behavior that I find to be clearly adolescent really continues far beyond what I think of as an excusable age. Maybe they were just dumb freshmen. I don't know.

I've been really sheltered here at Whitworth, which boasts of a relatively supportive and accepting community. I've been able to surround myself with "people like me." A complete change from what my life before college was like. But I've heard that this adds to the difficulty of life after Whitworth, because I will no longer be sheltered in a dominantly Christian community or spending most of my day with people who understand why I would rather go to a symphony concert than a performance given by Green Day or something like that. And while it's been great to have that freedom to be myself, and to not be ashamed of who I am, I have to realize that it's not going to last.

In fact, one of my frustrations with academia in general is that it's all so artificial. This is especially true in the music department, as with other arts I'm sure. My music profs and fellow students have built their own little musical world, where it becomes almost unthinkable that anyone would think classical music is "boring." But the truth is that most of the things I love are ignored or looked down upon by most people. It's something I've had to struggle with growing up, because I'm one of those people who always craves acceptance and will do almost anything to gain it. Even compromise my personal beliefs. But I don't want to be that way. And I don't want to have to isolate myself in my own special little bubble of like-minded people. I want to be strong enough to engage with others who aren't necessarily like me. But the challenge is that other people generally aren't that accepting of people different from themselves, as evidenced today. On one level this makes sense. If I don't share basic values with someone, I'm going to have a difficult time respecting them. On the other hand, I don't want to parade myself as some sort of intellectually and spiritually elite snob. Especially because I am neither of the two. I don't go much in for elitism anyways.

Anyhow, in many ways I'm eager to get out into the real world, even if I'm apprehensive. I don't really feel strong enough for it. But, and I never thought I'd say this, college life is becoming somewhat bland. I go to class, jump through the hoop of the day, watch my professors lead me on a string to the next idea, etc. I appreciate the things I AM learning, but most of my classes no longer seem that engaging or interesting. Part of it I think is that I realize it's coming to an end, and I'm anxious to establish myself wherever I'm going to be next. The uncertainty of it is what's driving me forward.

I had some other thing to rant about here that I've forgotten. Probably it had to do with how I don't feel ready for "the rest of my life." Or maybe my anxiety about the economy and how my grand dreams of living in another country for a year are likely not going to work out. In any case, I'm not really depressed per se. Just a little uneasy and struggling with how to be "in the world but not of the world." I suppose the bottom line is whatever I succeed or fail to experience or accomplish in the coming years, the most important factor will lie in my love for God and my desire to serve him. I don't know quite where I "fit" yet, but I don't have to fit anywhere to love others as myself, as high of a mandate as that is. Anyhow, this is all very random and confused, which likely reflects my state of mind, so now I'm going to go do something, hopefully productive.

The Five Levels of Acknowledgement on the Hello Walk

So I just experienced one of those awkward Whitworth sidewalk moments where you're not sure whether you should say hello etc. And that got me thinking. There are levels of "hello" here at Whitworth.



Basically, there are 2 kinds of people on campus. People who say hello to complete strangers and people who don't. We'll call them Type A and Type B. The tricky part is, if you are Type A, you have to discern who is of your kind and who isn't. If you are Type B, you just don't worry about it.



This leads us to the Five Levels of Acknowledgement on the Hello Walk.



Level One actually has two options. A and B. Option A is what happens when 2 Type As who are complete strangers meet. They acknowledge each other's presence in some way (more on this later). If one or both of the people are Bs, then no greeting will happen. BUT in both cases there is a prefunctory awkward test to see whether or not a greeting will be responded to. For example, if two people happen to meet, an A will try to make eye contact. If the other person also attempts to make eye contact, and eye contact indeed happens, both parties can be fairly sure that a greeting will not go unacknowledged. IF however the other person just continues to walk staring straight ahead, that is obviously a B and you will be crushed and ignored if you try to wave at them.



So much for the prelimary stage. Next comes the method of acknowledgement. For most a silent wave or nod will do (usually accompanied by a smile). But some take it a tiny step further and mouth a greeting. That's right. Mouth. I've caught myself doing this multiple times. Instead of actually saying "hello," you just pretend to say it. Usually it degenerates into you just silently opening your mouth, giving the appearance of being awestruck by the stranger's presence.



Level Two is similarly tricky because this is a greeting between acquaintances. Level Two could be called the "how are you?" level. You see the person and say something along the lines of "how's it going?" Not because you really want to know, but because this is code for "you are not a complete stranger." The problem is, after having say 14 credits of classes and being involved in multiple clubs, a Whitworth student makes many acquaintances that in some cases they never have close contact with again. The tricky thing is when to terminate a Level Two type of acknowledgement with someone you've only had one class with and put them again in Level One status. Unfortunately there is no formula. It is different for everybody. I can be IN a class with someone on a team with them and get a Type B Level One response. Or I can have sat next to them in Core 150 once and still be asking them about their current status.



Level Three is when you know more than just a person's hair color and that you had Writing I with them last fall. A few basic facts such as what their major is, what year they are, and who their friends are, are necessary. These types of greetings are really intermediary between Two and Four. "How are you?" begins to be a sincere question, but will illicit a fairly short response, generally about how much homework they have or something.



Level Four is the Extended Circle of Friends level. Maybe it's someone you know quite well, but don't see very often. These conversations are frequently LONGER than Level Five conversations, because you end up explaining your entire schedule etc. to them every time you see them. Because you don't see them very often. Recently it's been a typical greeting I've used for friends who have been abroad. We'll stand in the HUB for roughly half an hour while I hear the basics about what it was like in Africa. Then we will plan to meet for coffee sometime when we're not so busy and forget.



Level Five, the Whitworth Friends for Life level. Or just the You're a Really Touchy Feely person level. Level Five greetings are obvious because they always start with a huge hug and either a "I'm so excited to see you" or a launch into the latest rant of why that person hates Core 350.

And there you have it.

A Shining Ray of Hope

It's amazing how much a small gesture can make a difference. I was once again dreading Jazz Ensemble today. I wondered just how much I would embarrass myself this time, etc.

The rehearsal wasn't too awful. I got told again that I need to dig in more, but that's nothing new. Afterwards though, Dr. Keberle asked me if "I was okay," and whether or not he was "yelling" at me too much. Well that's kind of awkward. But at the same time it kind of broke the ice for me. I was able to come out and say "no! I WANT to improve and I need feedback to do that!" And just being able to communicate that was really helpful for me for some reason. I no longer have to take his criticisms personally and hopefully he no longer has to worry about damaging my fragile female psyche. *rolls eyes* So hopefully I will no longer have feel sick three days out of the week. At the same time I'm wondering "Am I really that transparent?" Maybe it was the abject terror in my eyes every time I walked into the band room.

Oh dear. So another example of Heidi being silly and feeling stupid. But, er, in a positive way.

Great, so now I'm everyone's mommy?

I just got the following email from Brent.

Dear students,
Please submit a schedule to Eric Moe ASAP if you haven’t done so already. Eric mentioned that he hadn’t yet heard from everyone so I’m writing with this gentle reminder. This will be a very strong and fun group so I want to get the ball rolling as soon as possible.

Heidi: Please talk to Isaac, Blair and Kurt at the next rehearsal to narrow down a possible rehearsal time.

Best regards
Brent

Um, so why am I the one who's responsible for narrowing down a rehearsal time? Could it possibly be that I'm the only one that sent Eric my schedule? *rolls eyes* Boys.

Senior Year

So it's been a really long time since I've posted. I'm guessing much of this year will be like that because I'm rather busy, and being a senior has a lot of extra things to think about, like what I'm going to do for the rest of my life, or even just next year.

But, even if I don't have a really great start in mind for next year, things are coming to a very satisfactory close this year. Getting my summer job was a great confidence boost. For all the negative things that came out of that, the one great thing was that I became so much more confident as a person. In comparing myself to what I was like freshman year, I can tell I've changed a lot. Which is a good thing. Even if I never use my major in a professional setting (which I hope won't be the case) college has been good for me in that respect.

Auditions went very smoothly this year and I'm in all the groups I tried out for. That means Jazz Ensemble, Jazz Combo, Christmas Quartets, and Vocal Jazz Class. I'm excited to be singing again, after a very long hiatus. I'm not nearly as anxious about jazz combo as I was last year, in part because I've proven that I'm up to it, and in part because I feel that I am respected as a musician by the guys I'm playing with. I no longer feel like I need to apologize for my failings, because I feel like we're closer to be being on the same level.

Jazz Ensemble is another thing altogether. While it's kind of a sign of prestige in Whitworth's jazz community to be a member of "the award winning Whitworth Jazz Ensemble, led by Dr. Dan Keberle" it's also a royal pain. Three stress-filled rehearsals a week. Oh boy. It's not that I dislike Dr. Keberle. It's that he's a very critical and exacting sort of person. That's what makes him a good ensemble leader. It's also what makes him scary beyond all reason. There's just something inherently intimidating in his manner. In addition, I'm the only girl in the ensemble and I'm not particularly excited about the guest artist that's coming this year. So despite the prestige, I'm not really looking forward to it all that much. Which is a funny thing, because I would've given my left eye a couple of years ago if I even thought I might have a chance at playing in this ensemble. Ah well.

So I'm sure I will grow a lot as a musician this year, as I have every year. The music department has done its job well. I'm not sure how far I will continue as a musician. Supply greatly exceeds demand, and while I love music, it's not what I value the most in life. I'll practice hard and I'll always play (and probably teach in some capacity), but there are other things that are equally and more important to me. I plan to leave room for those, even if it means being relegated to the status of "talented amateur." After all, being an amateur is a wonderful thing. The root of the word is "love."

But I am ambivalent (I used this word earlier today and liked it so much I'm using it again) as to what direction I should take after college. A not uncommon predicament I'm given to understand. I have ideas of what I'd like to do. But they stop short of being concrete goals. Because what if it doesn't work out? It's kind of a form of cowardice I suppose, but I'm just not willing to commit to a plan that contains the possibility that I might not succeed. It's something I'll have to get over. But I recognize that when you stake a lot on one dream, it's a big risk, and the losses are real and you can't get that time and effort back. There's no way to recoup them, if you will. I do have an internship set up with the Spokane Symphony. And I am excited about that. Everyone's under the impression that that's what I really want to do in life. But it's a false image. Something for me to hide behind because it's better than nothing. I mean, I DO want to work with a symphony. I think it would be awesome. Maybe not. I guess I'll find out. But it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's a kind of resignation peace. Well, I guess, since I have this degree, that I'd better use it in some way to prove people wrong that my time in the music department was not a complete and utter waste, etc. There are good motivations mixed in with these bad ones. But it's not as simple as it looks is all I'm saying.

And really, it's not supposed to be easy. Everyone struggles with this. Forging meaning out of your existence, it's a daunting task (don't ask me why I'm being so existential right now. I really can't say). In a way I'm sure that God has a good reason for creating me the way I am. But I'm dashed if I can see it.

All I know is that it's time to prepare for another big change in my life. And I think I'm ready, even if I'm a little frightened. I'm going to face it head on. And I'm going to try to make the most of it, however I possibly can. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy this year. I'm going to make sure I spend my time as wisely as possible. I already have a great college experience to look back on. I'm going to make my last year count well.

Awesome Day

Tuesday was pretty amazing. But first I'll back up a bit.

The CA job (which I plan to post more about at the end of the summer) has been an extremely intense experience. Something of a combination of a challenging learning experience, a fun alternative to farm work, and an enormous amount of stress.

Things had been going relatively well in early July, although I was pretty tired and ready for a break. So on the 15th I was very happy to have made it to my week of vacation. I went home and relaxed, read some books etc. It was great. I returned that Sunday refreshed and eager to finish out the summer strong. It was like a blind man walking into a tornado.

Things had NOT been going well the week I was gone. My supervisor, who was already very stressed, had been taking out said stress on the team of CAs. Apparently angry emails were sent, the team was disgruntled, etc. But then the topper came that a group of boys basketball campers had accidentally been locked out of the HUB during their dinner time. Stories vary, but something along the lines of "nobody had been scheduled to run info. desk that day" and "there was a mistake in the Lock/Unlock schedule" seems to have happened. Now, being stupid high school boys, they did not do the common-sensical thing and call one of the phone numbers that we have plastered all over campus. No. They ordered pizza. So while Sodexo was waiting for these 14 players to come and get their dinner, they called a place and payed extra money for a dinner that they had essentially already payed for. Their coach didn't even hear about it until the next day when he asked them how their dinner was, so of course we knew nothing about it. And then our supervisor found out and her already thin-worn patience (actually I'm not sure if there was any left) snapped.

Enter Heidi. I just happened to arrive on the morning after she had found out about this blunder. I was a little mystified when she walked in and didn't even acknowledge my existence. Usually she asks how the weekend was etc. and here I had been gone for a whole week and not even a "good morning." We all sat down in the meeting room and all hell broke loose. Suffice it to say that it was the worst chewing out I've ever received in my entire life and that includes the times when I've been in serious trouble with my parents. I would say that it crossed the line more than a little bit, especially considering many of us had had time off directly preceding that day and could have in no way been involved. I won't go on about what I thought/think of her decision to call a meeting when she was so angry or her lack of self-monitoring when speaking (read: screaming hysterically) at us. She told us that if we didn't think we could handle the job, we should just quit right then, as we all stared on in disbelief. But absolutely nobody was happy and suffice it to say I was kind of wishing I had stayed at home. I was especially sorry for the people who had been working, because they had been working extra hard to "avoid getting yelled at." Not good. Not good at all.

Fast forward a week later. Things calmed down although a general atmosphere of discontent still prevailed. I had the sneaking suspicion that our boss still not-so-secretly resented us. The usual Tuesday meeting was being held, Tuesday being the day when the entire staff is supposed to work. We again looked on in disbelief as our supervisor explained that she had been thinking and decided that today would be a CA Guys' fun day. She procured a $20 bill, told them that they would go downtown for the day, they could do anything (legal) that they wanted and buy whatever they wanted with the money. The only conditions were that they take a memorable picture and that there would be a contest between the guys and girls memorable pictures when the girls had their fun day next week. I was confused. She later confessed that she wanted to let the girls go first, but really wanted to get rid of the guys. Fair enough. They are a little loud at times. That is, they like to play their music in the office at somewhat unprofessional levels and it is a little annoying at times.

So the guys left, the girls stayed for a quiet day and all was well.

And that is what set up my awesome Tuesday. Because the next Tuesday was also the last day that every CA would be working on the same day, due to vacations and things. So it happened to be the day of our "end of year" celebration. It also happened to be the day of our Sodexo luncheon.

Schedule of Events
8:30 a.m. - depart for Greenbluff
9:15 to 11:30ish - Amazing fun times at Greenbluff taking pictures, which can be seen on Facebook.
11:30 - 12:15 - return to campus.
12:15 to 1:3o - visit the guy's houses and take stalkerish pictures in front of them/in their rooms/with their housemates/with their host mom... Look for B-Rob to see if we can get a picture with him and find out he is out of town. Go down to the Little Spokane River and take pictures while nervously eyeing the two men in a truck who were probably smoking marijuana.
1:30 - lunch with Sodexo staff Jim, Jess, and Dan at Twiggs. Their treat. I had the Salmon Briee sandwich. It was most excellent. Dan finished everyone's unfinished food.
3:00ish - head to Northtown to try on pretty dresses, or in my case feel extremely uncomfortable and watch other people try on pretty dresses. Shopping = not my favorite.
4:00 - FedEx Kinko's stop where we print our pictures after finally persuading the lady working their to refill the machines with paper for us. Not the best customer service I've ever seen.
5:00 - Back to Duvall to work on amazing collage that will blow the boys' picture slideshow out of the water.
6:45 - Dress up.
7:15 - Depart for the Melting Pot
8:00 - Try to find the Melting Pot. Pass Morihiko Nakahara on the street. Walk in circles like idiots.
8:15 - Arrive at the Melting Pot. Eat amazing chocolate fondue. Presentation of awards. I received a miniature stick horse for my supposed work ethic and the fact that I am a farm girl. I have named him "My Little Pony Suck-It-Up" so that the next time a conferee asks us to turn on the air-conditioning in Warren we can respond "there is no AC in Warren," and smack them with said pony while saying "suck it up."

All in all it was a pretty awesome day.

My Essential Tales of Father Brown

I've been reading the complete father brown stories courtesy of the awesome Vic Bobb, English professor extraordinaire, generous book-lender, and all-around nice guy. "Forty-nine quietly sensational cases investigated by the high-priest of detective fiction." Here is a list of favorites for my own amusement and perhaps yours too.

From "The Innocence of Father Brown"


The Blue Cross
The Secret Garden
The Queer Feet
The Flying Stars

(These first four are a great introduction to Father Brown, and Flambeua too).

The Sign of the Broken Sword
The Three Tools of Death

From "The Wisdom of Father Brown"

The Head of Caesar
The Purple Wig
The Perishing of the Pendragons
The Salad of Colonel Cray

From "The Incredulity of Father Brown"

The Miracle of Moon Crescent - One of the more metaphysical ones, if C.S. Lewis wrote mysteries, I think they'd be like this.

From "The Secret of Father Brown"

The Chief Mourner or Marne

From "The Scandal of Father Brown"

The Quick One
The Blast of the Book
The Vampire of the Village

And Just Because

A friend of mine recently disclosed that if she could have a composer boyfriend, it would be Franz Schubert. I of course was thinking: you mean the ugly chap with the glasses? Why? But no. She claimed he was actually quite an attractive bloke in his youth. Well, this artist's representation is quite different I'd say.



It all comes back to the unfortunate reality that famous intellectuals are often known by photos of themselves when they are old. Which, there's nothing wrong with being old, but I think it kind of limits are perception of that person. Think of poor C.S. Lewis. Everyone knows him from that picture where he's all bald and fat and smoking in a chair. I mean, there's nothing wrong with any of those things (except the smoking) but he wasn't always that way. Likewise we think of stars like Gregory Peck and Gene Kelly as being perpetually young, because that is when they made their imprint. Thus we set up ideals that do not reflect reality. They didn't stay that good-looking forever. And so the stereotype of all the airheads being attractive and all intelligent members of the human race being ugly. Random post this.

IMDB Allows for Amazing Connections!

So yes, my amazing discoveries continue. While researching Louis Jourdan movies I came across "The Swan," which stars him and Alec Guinness.

Hmmm, that chap looks familiar I thought. Where have I seen him before? The first Pink Panther movie? No. That was David Niven as Sir Charles Litton.

Let's look at his profile. Aha. Drum roll please. How could I not have realized that he played Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars!? Crazy! Let's take a look at what else he's done...

Adolf Hitler in Hitler: The Last Ten Days. Which is supposedly very good.
Yevgraf in Dr. Zhivago. Which is quite good. By one of the best directors ever to have lived: David Lean.
Prince Feisal in Lawrence of Arabia, another David Lean film.
Col. Nicholson in The Bridge on the River Kwai, another David Lean film.
Father Brown in Father Brown. I'm reading these mysteries right now!!!!!
Aaaannndd Fagin in David Lean's adaptation of Oliver Twist.

That's quite the resume! I officially need to see every single one of those films.

Louis Jourdan is my hero

In the world of Hollywood leading men, there isn't much to pick from nowadays. There are a few actors I suppose. Christian Bale, although his character seems to be in question at the moment. Richard Armitage is, of course, not in Hollywood. Brad Pitt and co. frankly don't impress me much. And despite Captain Jack Sparrow's amazingness, Johnny Depp kind of creeps me out.

This is why most of my favorite actors are dead. It's quite unfortunate, but true. Gregory Peck, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, James Stewart, Laurence Olivier, to name a few, are just awesome. These guys had class. And I keep discovering more. Louis Jourdan may just top the list. Not because I like his work all that much better, but because he seems like such a 100% spiffing guy.

I first discovered him through "Gigi," a cute if somewhat creeperish musical that was the last of Lerner and Loewe's creations. I'm not sure it deserved the Best Picture award it was given, but it's a well-made film with some good actors and a few decent songs. I mean, it's not my favorite, but I happened to pick it up at the library the other day and I realized that the leading man really is a heck of an actor. Aaaannddd possibly quite good looking... But would I be motivated by such shallowness? Certainly not. The point is, I IMDB'd him and discovered he's also a heck of a guy.

As an actor, he mostly starred as what he calls the "Latin lover" roles. But it seems he had potential for a whole lot more. He was the villain in a James Bond movie that I simply must see now. He also starred as Dracula in a BBC series I believe. Apparently he was involved in a production of the Count of Monte Cristo as well. I'm curious about a few of his other "type-cast" features, and am really anxious now to see Hitchcock's "The Paradine Case," which features both him and Gregory Peck!!! Whom he also professes to have been extremely close with.

His minibio on IMDB is really what wowed me though. "Born Louis Gendre, he was educated in France, Britain, and Turkey." "During World War II, after his father was arrested by the Gestapo, Louis and his two brothers joined the French underground; his film career came to a halt when he refused to act in Nazi propaganda films." Oh, and he is still married to his wife of 60+ years. Wow.

Coolest thing ever though. I chanced a look on the IMDB forums and... he's there! Chatting it up with fans from his home in the south of France at the age of 89! Of course, it could just be an impersonator. Some weird sap who derives pleasure out of deceiving simple-minded mucks like myself. But... I think it really is him. I choose to believe it. And how cool is that? So, as he apparently listens to classical music, I asked him who his favorite composer was, for lack of anything better to ask. It's there for all to see if you're interested in observing me as a star-struck idiot. I'd rather you didn't though. I do feel slightly silly at how excited I am over this, but at the same time... I don't get to converse with my favorite actors very often.

Weather or Not

Freakish. That is the one word I have to describe Spokane's current weather pattern. This morning I awoke to "partly cloudy, 50 degrees." This quickly changed to "overcast, 60 degrees." Then, after dinner or so the skies cleared and the sun shone brightly. My friend Amy and I took a leisurely walk up to my future house. It was beautiful! We found Katie there (long story short, we found another roommate for the summer) and she was delighted to see us. So we chatted for a bit and then we noticed thunder. We decided it was time to go and the weather really turned sour. After strong gusts of wind, there was a torrential downpour. Katie decided she would drive us back. It was crazy! We ran as fast as we could into Duvall and were still soaked. Now it has stopped. It snowed on the South Hill yesterday. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

*Note: As we drove through campus in the pouring rain, we noticed that, true to form, the sprinklers were on.

Funny story, I accidentally worked until 6:00 today. I was checking room inventories in Ballard and had no clock. Apparently I was being much more thorough than everybody else because they had finished dinner by the time I got back. I felt pretty dumb, but it's pretty funny regardless. The worst of it is, I'm paid on a stipend, so I don't get any extra money for working late. :-( Oh well. That's life.

I played for my high school's graduation last Saturday. I was really nervous because I didn't manage to get the sheet music until the night before. I did it though. It wasn't perfect, but it didn't suck either. My sight reading is improving! It was strange to be back there and think about the fact that my high school graduation was 3 years ago. The kids graduating were freshmen when I was a senior. I was seeing some of them for the first time in 3 years! It was so weird! And yet, it wasn't as weird as I was expecting. I wasn't really that attached to my high school. I never felt like I really fit there. It wasn't anything like Whitworth. I was generally trying to be somewhere else. If anything the weird part about going back was that it had no terror for me anymore. I didn't have stay there, I didn't have to talk with anyone I didn't want to, I didn't have to do busy work, I wasn't trapped inside those walls for another 5 hours. It was a good feeling.

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Now playing: Oscar Peterson - Lulu's Back in Town

Yet Another Nickname

But first... The job is going smoothly after the overwhelming first day. Of course, we haven't actually had any conferences yet, so we're all a little nervous. But we've been preparing for them, which keeps us busy enough. It's so weird to have such a nice work environment. There are no grease stains. And there's carpet on the floor. It's amazing! The work I've been doing hasn't been super interesting, but it's easy enough. Mostly I've been helping with key inventory, making sure they all work and putting lanyards on them and clips on key cards. It's not very stimulating, but it's definitely not hard.

I've been waiting for the feelings of isolation to set in with practically everyone but the 10 of us gone from campus, but honestly I've been too busy. It is weird to go back to my room and have it be empty. I almost feel guilty about having so much time to myself. But I've been inundated with calls and emails from friends staying in Spokane who want to hang out and have lunch and so forth, which makes me feel loved, which is always good.

This weekend was fun. I don't really remember what I did Friday. Saturday I went and saw CYT's Beauty and the Beast. Karen was in the orchestra and we hung out for a bit beforehand. I saw 4 Whitworth people (Lee Moser was in the mall, so was Keith Wyma and his family, Kelsey Something was playing oboe in the orchestra, and Lucas Beechnor's mom was at the show). The actual show was pretty awesome. I can honestly say it beat Couer d'Alene Summer Theatre's production of a couple years ago, which wouldn't be hard to do but says something considering those actors were mostly professionals. I was amazed that they found 2 high school guys who could sing, and really well. Both the Beast and Gaston were phenomenal, Gaston especially. It was slightly bittersweet because it reminded me of CYT's last Beauty and the Beast, which I helped with sound for. That was when I was 16! It felt so old then and feels so young now. I know I was 16 because I could drive myself to the rehearsals. That's almost 5 years ago now. The kids up there all look so young. It made me feel old. But it was a really good production and made me wish I could go back and do CYT again. I was so much more insecure then, it was probably a good experience for that reason.

Sunday I went to St. Luke's 8:30 service to hear Amy play (that's dedication friends). And accomplished practically nothing else the rest of the day. I did find the 1982 version of the Scarlet Pimpernel on tudou.com, the Chinese YouTube. :-) It stars Ian McKellan as Chauvelin and Anthony Andrews as the Pimpernel and features amazingly huge hair. It wasn't too bad though. Anthony Andrews' lips kind of freaked me out... But Ian McKellan rocked! Oh, and it also has the girl who was in Somewhere in Time as Marguerite with the biggest hair ever! (thought Katrina might be interested to know).

Now we're back to the workweek. After a morning of "meet & greets" (where we met a guy who used the words "tarnation" and "crumb soup"), I directed traffic for a jr. high track meet. I got to wear a bright orange vest and show people where the crosswalk. And I got a codename, because we had walkie-talkies. So, here is updated list of nicknames (hopefully in the order received).

The Swede
Toast
Sheidino
Sexy Hips
Holla Polychord
Mendelssohn

Wow, I'm missing at least 3. Gosh I can't even remember what they are. I'm not counting Milk Maiden, or Swedish Dumpling, or Furry Pumpkin. Don't even ask me. Mendelssohn I had some say in. It's not referring to Felix, it's referring to Fanny, his sister. But I'm the only one on the team who knows that. I didn't really want to be called Fanny. So me, Mike Essien, Scooby Snacks, Papa Bear, and Lucky Charms directed traffic. After work I had the best intentions of practicing, but ended up watching 2 episodes of Arrested Development and playing cards with the crew. *sigh* Tomorrow I will be good. Gosh I wish I could remember the rest of those nicknames. It's ridiculous.

Prince Caspian: The Videogame, er, Movie...

I have just returned from Prince Caspian and need to vent. Not that I haven't already had ample opportunity with Katrina, Sam, and Amy, but I'm hoping that laying it all out in an organized blog rant will purge me of my feelings of violation. Beware, I will not be kind.

I always have conflicting feelings when I prepare to watch an adaptation of a beloved book. On the one hand there's the excitement of seeing the thing realized on screen. On the other hand, there's the fear that they won't get it right. Ever since LOTR we've been inundated with Hollywood adaptation of fantasy classics, or fantasy anything. Let me just say that I was and am a total fantasy dork. I grew up with my dad reading me the Hobbit, cut my teeth on Narnia and Redwall, and tackled the Lord of the Rings in 5th grade. Something I was immensely proud of at the time and am immensely embarrassed of now.

When the Lord of the Rings movies started coming out, I was 14, at the peak of my geeky awkwardness and unbelievably excited. Because part of the thrill of fantasy is the desire for it to be real. It's all so much more interesting than the hum-drum real world. Finally I would be able to see elves and hobbits and all the things I'd only been able to read off the page before and it would almost be like Middle Earth was real. And yet the older I get the less appeal these adaptations have for me because they invariably come up short. Narnia is making me realize how very good the LOTR movies were, but even then I was disenchanted by their shortcomings.

I enjoy movies a lot. I've taken three film classes so far and am always on the prowl for classic films. But I'm a purist when it comes to books. The book is (almost?) always better. Take out the almost. There's just more time for development, for the presentation of ideas, and there's more freedom for the reader to interpret and to imagine how things look. The Narnia series is one of those pieces of children's literature that will always be sacred to me, so it's especially hard to see somebody else change it. I actually enjoyed the first movie to an extent. There was a little too much action, some of the dialog was awkward, and it was kind of an airbrushed Hollywood version of the book. But the book was still there underneath it all. That's more than I can say for Caspian. It felt like the scriptwriters just looked at the cover and went from there.

Oh where to start? I think one of the best things about C.S. Lewis is he creates such delightful characters. Think of the beavers in LWW, or Puddleglum in the Silver Chair, or even Eustace, or Bree the neurotic war horse. They're all delightfully quirky. My opinion is that Trumpkin and Reepicheep (especially Trumpkin) make Prince Caspian, but the movie doesn't showcase or develop these or any characters at all. And one of the things that irritates me to no end is the script-writers insistence on rewriting all of the dialog. When it comes to writing, Andrew Adamson and friends vs. C.S. Lewis? Who do you think is going to win? My advice is that if you're adapting a classic work of literature, maybe include some of the, er, literature. Lewis was intelligent and his children's books are intelligent, certainly far more intelligent than something like "Whether this horn is magic or not, it brought us together... and together, we have a chance to take back what is ours!" And then we all sing kumbaya. I'm sorry, but Hollywood one-liners, while cute in some cases, should not make up the entirety of a movie.

I was so confused by what they were trying to accomplish. I don't mind a few changes to make it more interesting, but it was like a string of battle sequences with a few references to something that happened in the book in between. I found myself gazing into the distance reminiscing about how the short scene preceding Battle No. 212 was such a good part of the book while I watched the thousandth Telmarine get sliced open by Peter and Co. I've decided that their goal was to make it the perfect movie for 8-year-old boys. Give some guys swords, string together some action sequences and voila! Who cares about the story? And really there was so much violence. I think Lewis would have been appalled. This is the man who worried that the nightmare sequence in Voyage of the Dawn Treader might be frightening for small children. These books were for children! This movie is not for small children! I feel like we're so tolerant of violence in our entertainment, it's almost a double standard. We'll allow gratuitous depictions of death in our children's entertainment, but we won't allow sex. Does this really make logical sense? I'm not trying to be prude, it's just something I've had pointed out to me about American culture. I think it's true the the movie theater has become our virtual version of the Roman Colosseum.

Gosh, there was just so much that bothered me it's difficult to stop. Angst! There was so much angst! It was like the fanfiction version of Prince Caspian. What was the deal with Peter and Caspian? When they weren't slicing people open on the battlefield in needless battle sequence No. 32, they were screaming at each other. I mean, conflict is the essence of story-telling, but most of the time it didn't seem like anyone got beyond their own selfish interests. The Narnians want Narnia back, Caspian wants to be king and this just so happens to put him in league with the Narnians, Peter wants to have power, Susan apparently wants Caspian and who knows where the heck that came from, and at the end I was wondering how different are our heroes from Miraz? What exactly are they fighting for? Themselves?

I thought perhaps that I might be able to take the movie on its own terms, without judging it as an adaptation, but really I don't even think it was that good of a movie. The dialog was cliched, we're supposed to like the main characters for some reason, although they hardly stop screaming at each other long enough to become likeable. We're supposed to believe that they've formed strong bonds of friendship but we haven't really seen them interact enough to feel any sort of connection between anyone at all. And so much seemed to be stolen from other films. There was at least one scene practically airlifted from each of the LOTR movies. Frodo, er, Caspian escaping across the river and the later scene where Gandalf/Aslan calls for the river god. The ents, er, trees marching on the Telmarine army. The entire final battle sequence with the catapults was so reminiscent of Return of the King. The entire secret agent attack on the castle was just absurd. My favorite is one reviewer's reference to Princess Bride, saying he expected Caspian to step forward and say "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." It all seemed so contrived and shallow I really couldn't stomach it.

I could go on. And on and on and on and on and on. But maybe I should stop. I think I've complained enough. I just, gosh, there are such wonderful moments and characters that could have been portrayed well and weren't. Would it kill just to slow the pace down a little bit and let us get attached to the DLF and Professor Cornelius and Aslan who the filmmakers tiptoe around like dynamite in fear of offending someone. Would it kill to keep some of the integrity of the work intact? To have some demonstration of selflessness, or true friendship, or sacrifice, things that kids can look up to and that Lewis held so immeasurably dear. Would it kill to maybe explain the plot in a straightforward manner instead of using gimmicky storytelling because apparently the audience can't stay interested in a straightforward narrative. I personally was bored out of my mind. Some of these actors obviously have some charisma and ability, but there's no way for that to shine through in a performance of a story and characters that we love, not with this treatment.

So, it is with this regretful desecration behind me that I have hopes for the Voyage of the Dawn Treader, which I am also very anxious about as it's my favorite of the series. There will be a new director at the helm (Michael Apted of Amazing Grace fame) and hopefully that will make all the difference. In the meantime, I think I will have to reread the book to remind myself of how good it is and why I love Narnia so much. Ah yes the books, with all their delightful quirks and nuances. I still learn a lot from them. Aslan's statement that every year Lucy grows older he will also be bigger is one that I find to be more true every day. His admonition that even though you may be the only one that is no excuse for not coming to him strikes closer to home than I'd like to admit. Even if you're not a Christian, you can appreciate Lewis' encouragement to make us bigger than we are. Lewis calls us to be the kind of people that we should be, to improve upon ourselves and to help others through our own example and encouragement. It's a high calling and it's one that I think even non-Christians can appreciate. Lewis rebukes our sinful behaviors and calls us to be people of integrity. I think that's part of why these books are more than just silly children's stories, or Jesus stories, or whatever. They've endured for a reason. I think they do have literary merit. I just wish more people understood that.

Beautiful illustration of Caspian I found on deviantart by an artist called kaytii.

First Day of Training

It's been a very full day. On the one hand, I can't say that the first day of CA training has actually been that demanding. We met several people and were run through some basic responsibilities. But it started at 8:30 this morning and I just got back from April's (my boss) house at 7:30. The actual training was fine, but I am really anxious about the group of people I'll be working with. I'm anxious for people to like me in the first place, and I just hate conflict in general. I avoid it. I'm a conflict avoider. Passive aggressive. Whatever you want to call it. But add to that the fact that we will be living and working together almost every day this summer and I am desperate to fit in and for everyone to get along. I understand that there will be rough patches. But I hope we all work well together. And really on one hand there's no real cause for anxiety there because everyone I'm working with seems to be a genuinely cool person. And yet, it has me doubting the wisdom of my applying for the job in the first place. Part of me thinks the hiring carousel just took pity on my poor soul and decided to take a risk by making me part of the team. I mean, I'm a introvert by nature. Too much of the day spent with too many unfamiliar people is a sure way to stress me out. Maybe because I'm trying to please each and every one of them. It's times like that when God reminds me that I don't need to look for their approval. But it's a hard habit to break.

So I've been analyzing my motives in applying for this job. It looked like a really good opportunity to get some good experience I suppose. In a way, I've been trying to train myself to be less of an introvert, or at least to be able to handle the requirements of a professional workplace. I am constantly anxious about my future career opportunities. Growing up on a farm has taught me a lot about economics, I've been anxious about costing my parents too much money since I was about 4 and financial independence is something I've craved for just about as long. It's honestly not a desire to have lots of money for myself. It's a desire to not be a burden on my parents and the closer I get to graduation the more pressing it becomes. I owe them so much and they expect a lot of me. The hurdle of college debt hanging over me for a degree that likely will not do me any good has made me feel guilty ever since freshman year. But I couldn't NOT study music, I just couldn't, even if it meant taking a crappier job later in life. And really, I don't care so much about how much I like my job. I just want to be able to support my own weight. And really, I've always thought it would be nice to be well off enough someday to help my parents out. To let my mom do all those remodeling projects and travel a bit and to allow my dad to retire comfortably. It's something I worry about, because my parents never really had a retirement plan while my dad was farming and it was always kind of catch as catch can through junior high and high school. Anyhow, the point being is that I took this job knowing that it would be a challenge for me and knowing that I probably wasn't going to be a natural at it, but also knowing that the sooner I can learn this stuff the better off I'll be. It's difficult to balance your own dreams with others' expectations and economic realities. When people ask me what I'm going to do after college I give them the whole "arts administration" line, working for non-profits, actually using my music degree etc. But I don't really believe it. I just want a job. And I know people say it's not worth it to be miserable, but you'll understand that it's not a desire to be wealthy that's driving me, it's just an understanding of how hard it is out there.

All these things have been cycling through my mind all day as I've gotten to know my fellow CAs. It's a neat group of people. Hanna I knew from CYT and have had classes with. She's my podmate and so far we've been getting along well. I'm excited to get to know her better. Jaquette I don't know well but I like her sense of humor, she seems very friendly and open. Connie also seems like a lot of fun. Sarah is more quiet and I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her as much yet, but she seems pretty laid back and easy going, which is good. Of the guys there's Colin and Billy, who I've sort of known from classes but never really hung out with. Elorm is from Ghana and is very cool and has a really interesting life story. Austin seems to be a really strong Christian from what I've seen. Corey I don't know much about yet, but he seems to be a bit of a class clown. Between him and Jaquette we should be laughing all summer. So it's a cool group of kids and after spending such a long day almost exclusively with them I have so much respect for all of them. The day ended with a casual dinner at April's house. It wasn't part of the workday, it was just kind of a get to know everybody and hang out kind of deal. Unfortunately it's difficult for me to be casual at these kind of things because I know how important it is that we all get along (and hopefully become good friends) through the summer. So I'm self-monitoring like crazy, which is part of the reason that I'm writing so much now. Anyhow, we ended with a getting to know each other activity, and it was really eye-opening to learn so much about these kids, many of whom were close to complete strangers at the beginning of the day. And now I am tired and hoping somehow that I'll measure up to this incredible team. In a way, I'm still not sure why I was hired. I'm still not sure if this job is right for me or if I'm right for it. Yet I suppose if I can survive a whole summer with nobody but 40-year-old men as company, I hopefully should be able to hang out with an awesome group of kids my own age. It's just been a really long day.

The final countdown

Being a comprehensive list of all the stuff I was given or that was simply left in the pod and that I decided was worth keeping.

On the first day of summer my podmates gave to me...

20 (0r so) assorted thumb tacks
13 bags of oatmeal
6 bags of easy mac
5 bottles of shower gel
3 cans of soda
2 jars of jelly
2 jars of cocoa mix
2 boxes of wheat thins
2 bottles of dish soap
2 jugs of detergent
1 dry erase board
1 dry erase marker
1 box of fabric softener
1 soap dispenser
1 pink plastic trash can
1 bag of popcorn
1 box of kleenex
1 box of corn chex
1 full length mirror
A stack of classical CDs
1/2 a roll of blue tape
And an artificial Christmas tree!

I THINK that's everything.

Return to Whitworth

Well I'm back. After spending a relaxing week at home I have returned to school and start training tomorrow. I'm not sure what to expect, so I'm trying not to be nervous about it. I keep telling myself that this will be an excellent way for me to prepare for a real job and the real world. Representing the university and being held accountable for will be a frightening but worthwhile experience. And I figure they wouldn't have hired me if they didn't think I could do it.

It's strange to be in the dorms without a roommate. After arriving at roughly 4:00 this afternoon I spent the rest of the day rearranging furniture and catching up with my old friend and new podmate Hanna. At first I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get in. Driving onto campus was somewhat like driving into a deserted graveyard. The campus was picturesque, the grounds perfectly trimmed and cared for, but it was all so unsettlingly quiet. Brief tangent--> you expect quiet when you're out in the country. It's natural there. All you can see is fields and all you can hear is the wind. That's normal and relaxing. It's different to be surrounded by dark buildings and have there be no sign of current human habitation. That's unsettling.

I parked by the HUB, hoping against hope that it as open. It was. But there was nobody inside. All the lights were off and all of the screens were pulled across the doorways. Very weird. And I as confronted with the problem of how I was going to get into my dorm. My student access key no longer works. We're supposed to pick up special CA access keys at Student Life, but I hadn't been on campus while they were open. Luckily Hanna was in her room and able to let me in. I dropped by the other girls' pod and felt awkward. If I'm going to do this job, I'm going to have to stop feeling so awkward all the time! This job will be a learning experience. It doesn't make it any easier that one of the girls I'm working with has a twin, who was also in the pod. So I wasn't quite sure who I should look at when I'm talking. Oh well. One of the guys also came by and chatted with Hanna. I definitely feel like the odd one out, but at least I know Hanna and I'm sure I will get to know everybody else soon.

Everyone else has pretty much moved into the first floor by now, and it's weird to see the rooms inhabited by different people. Two of the rooms in my pod are vacant, and I keep expecting to see Elizabeth bursting out of one, or Kate and Henry sitting and talking in the lounge, or Anna and Sally laughing about something. It's a little melancholy, I'll admit. And it's weird to turn around and simply have several posters and my new full length mirror staring back at me instead of Katrina sitting at her desk. Wow this is getting depressing. I should probably stop listening to Miles Davis.

Still, as much anxiety as I'm feeling at the moment (while telling myself that I'm NOT feeling it), this is ten times better than if I hadn't gotten this job. I can't imagine spending a whole summer with just me and my parents, or even in the house that I'll be living in next year. So I'm sure this is for the best, even if it does have me feeling a little be like a meek little freshman all over again.

One More Year

Well, it's finals week. Again. And I'm officially half way through. So far so good. I had my last classical jury ever! I'm super excited about that. I feel bad not continuing to study classical in college, but I have promised myself I will come back to it. It's just one of those things you have to do. I just don't have a ton of time right now to give to it. I've developed a lot in the past 3 years, and hopefully I will continue to do so on my own until I have the money to take lessons again.

I'm not too worried about finals. It helps that they're mostly music related. Although let me just say that the new finals schedule sucks! I don't know why they changed it. They put a lot of the really popular class times on Friday, so that tons of people have the last final possible. That's not so great for student life, who has to kick everyone out by Saturday.

I'm lucky. I get to stay in my room all summer. Yeah Conference Assistant! I turned in my CPR/First Aid certificate today so I am officially eligible to be hired. I'm super excited for this job, even though it will be a challenge. And I'm super excited to be in Spokane over the summer. Which is funny because that was everyone else's greatest fear about being a CA. Obviously they don't live on a farm. Although summer on the farm is nice too. It's peaceful. But you get a little stir crazy.

I would randomly like to say that I'm kind of going to miss the intense ping-pong matches that go on in the first floor lounge. Sometimes it sounds like someone's dying. I never realized ping-pong was such a serious sport. Although I'm not going to miss the boys that insist on shouting profanity whenever they lose. Not great.

I'm trying not to consider the year "over" already, even though it's easy to slip into. I suppose I should wait to post a reflective post on this year though, because there's still time. It's hard when everyone is packing though. Except for me. Which has resulted in the funny tendency for everyone to give me their extra stuff that they don't want to take home. Everyone being Elizabeth (and Katrina). So far I have received a stack of classical music CDs (no complaints), two boxes of wheat thins, two jugs of laundry detergent, and one box of fabric softener. Keep it coming guys, keep it coming.

Well, I should probably get back to studying. It's kind of a drowsy day. The closest we've gotten to humidity in a long time. It doesn't help that I got up at 6:30 for my 8 a.m. final. Sick. I did take a nap though, but naps don't always help. Well, dinner's in ten minutes, so maybe I will wait until after that.

A funny thing happened on the way to the blog...

I know it's been a long time, but I've been busy with *gasp* real life! In short...

1. I've gone to many cool music events and recitals. God I love being a music student. And I mean that in the not taking the Lord's name in vain way. There's nothing more, I can't even think of a good word for it, fulfilling? Than seeing your close friends excel at music. And in general. It's been really neat.
2. Hosted another excursion to my house. This time with the Duvall crew. Always tons o' fun.
3. Performed in the spring combo recital and held my own pretty darned well. Keberle complimented me until I was beet red in the face.
4. Won a spelling bee on campus. That was embarrassing. But it was for schools in Kenya. I think. My last word was "lackadaisical."
5. Helped throw a birthday party for Elizabeth that was super fun. Have you ever seen anyone walk around with a happy birthday bag on her head? Most diverting I assure you.
6. Started volunteering at a nursing home. I play piano with another girl. Scheduling hasn't been so great, but I'm hoping to continue this summer because...
7. Got a job at Whitworth for the summer! And 2 of the people I'm working with have been my RD. April from this year, and Leslie-Ann from freshman year.
8. Learned a lot of cool things about music. God I love being a music student.
9. Agonized over the future and whether or not I'm really cut out for arts administration. Or if I really even want to be involved in it or any form of publicity/marketing/journalism. Hmmm.
10. Was majorly stressed out by working for the Whitworthian. I hate deadlines!
11. Was certified in CPR/First Aid. I can save lives! I hope.
12. Read "To Kill a Mockingbird," possibly one of the best books ever written.
13. Watched campus FINALLY throw off the icy grip of winter. The last of the snow has melted!
14. Many more amazing things have happened than I can remember. April has been a very full month. Stressful, but fun. Now it's once again the end of the year. Just think, this time next year I'll be saying goodbye to Whitworth and college life. It's weird to think about, and I can't tell right now if I'll be ready or not. But at the same time I don't really feel like I should be worrying about it. I should be preparing myself of course, but I'm doing that. So we'll see.