Home Again

It's always awkward transitioning from college to home. Something about your parents being present really changes personality dynamics. Classical juries went really well by the way, best yet in fact. Now I just have to find a job.

With that said, my mom is amazing. She and dad came to help me move out of the dorm and let me tell you, I have never seen someone more enthusiastic about cleaning. I could not take the vacuum away... My mom's used to being responsible for pretty much everything, so I don't think she fully realizes that her youngest is almost 20 and capable of helping out with a bit more than just emptying the dishwasher. It's a control thing.

The problem is convincing her of this. The other day, however, after she had been out working all day and I had been home sitting around, I was determined to contribute in some fashion. I told my mom I would be making dinner. My parents looked at me like I might have a high fever.

"What brought this on?" my dad asked skeptically.

"I want to learn how to cook! That's all!" Well, that and as I've basically been raised on guilt, I was feeling guilty for the fact that mom had been out working all day. It took some doing to shoo her out of the kitchen, but I finally convinced her to hand me a recipe and leave me alone.

It was some sort of fish. After covering the filets with bread crumbs the recipe wanted me to "brown" them in a skillet. I wasn't quite sure what that meant. I mean, obviously I was supposed to put the fish in a skillet, but how long did it take for said fish to be "browned?" I wasn't sure. So I had to ask mom. A couple of minutes apparently. Well that was easy enough.

Except that I turned on the wrong burner and didn't realize that I wasn't heating up the frying pan at all until I smelled smoke. Luckily, I was in time to save things. I just wouldn't mention that. So after the fish had been in the skillet for a couple of minutes I went to flip them over. Easier said than done. They fell apart. So instead of three fish filets, I had several bits and pieces of fish rolling around in a skillet. I was still not asking for help.

I managed to reconstruct the filets. The recipe called for cheese, and I only hoped, as I stuck everything in the oven, that the melted cheese would hold everything together.

I didn't burn anything and dinner actually turned out to be completely edible, if a bit late. So, all in all, it could have been worse.

Fin

Well it's over. Ish. I do have classical juries looming on Friday, and maybe I should be worried, but I've actually had such a good experience with that this year I'm kind of looking forward to it.

I made a huge mistake yesterday, and I'm still kicking myself for it. I'm pretty disappointed in myself. Basically, without getting into the details, I missed my students' piano recital. I didn't have to, but for some reason I just totally blanked. I'm not just a bad student, I'm a bad teacher and a bad person as well. So I need to call them and make amends, but I'd rather not dwell on this too much as it's pretty painful for me to think about.

Anyhow, the fallout of that was that I could not focus on my theory project. After 1:00am rolled around (I'd been there since 10:00), I decided I may as well do what I've always known I would do. Spend the night at the music building. I had a sweatshirt and a poofy backpack for a pillow and the only thing I really lacked was something to cover my feet. By 2:00 I was so emotionally and physically drained I decided I would sleep for an hour and start again at 3:00. I actually did manage to sleep on that practice room floor, but when 3:00 rolled around, I decided I didn't care if I failed Theory, I just wanted bed. So I stumbled out of the music building and fortunately was able to bike back to Stewart (it's a looong walk at night). Yay sleep! Yay relatively soft mattress!

But this meant that when I woke up at 8:00 I still had a large portion of my Theory project to do (which was worth 10% of my grade)... Plus I had a German final I'd barely studied for, but it wasn't cumulative so I wasn't too worried and besides, with language it's a bit different. If you know the mechanics and the vocabulary, you're golden. So I mapped out my project (a four-part jazz arrangement of "Ten Minutes Ago" from Rodgers and Hammersteins' Cinderella featuring alto sax). My German final wasn't until 1:00 and so I had just enough time to work out the A section. Took the final (and actually had some lunch!) and then I worked out the B section just in time for our "theory" party at 3:30.

And from that point on the week became somewhat enjoyable. I got to sit and listen to everyone else's projects, Brent's wife and small daughter (who is SO cute! And apparently has a fondness for cake) dropped by and brought "munchies." And since then I've just kind of been trying to relax while fighting the urge to sleep so I can go back to having a regular time schedule.

Thanks for reading.

Finals - Tuesday

So, I planned to get up at 6:00 this morning, but after a glorious eight hours of sleep I got up at 8:00. Studied for Intro to Business until 9:30. Had breakfast. Studied for Intro to Business until 1:00. Took my Intro to Business final. Jack didn't make enough copies (he's had some orginizational problems this year. Like the time when he gave us copies of the answer key instead of the tests...). The actual final went okay, all though I had to borrow a pen from the office upstairs. Way to be prepared!

Had a light lunch at 2:00ish. Then practiced for jazz juries until the actual jury at 4:30. Oh jazz juries...

I didn't know I could play that badly... I mean, I kind of knew, but... It was SO bad! Brent's been telling me not to play timidly, so I was super-focused on this. Unfortunately I also absolutely grid-locked the moment I walked in that room. It's always the same, Brent along with one or two other anonymous jazz faculty sitting there in front of the piano with their pens and their evaluation sheets just STARING at you. It might be better if they weren't so nice, but they generally have eager smiles plastered across their faces. You hate to disappoint them.

So I'm thinking to myself "Play aggressively, play aggressively, play aggressively..." and finally they tell me start. And I do, and it's okay except... No, wait, not that fast! Stop! This is bad... And just like that everything starts to fall apart. I have no control over what I'm playing, no control. I'm just watching in horror as my hands fly across the keyboard... I want to do something, but it's like I'm in some sort of weird trance and my hands honestly have a mind of their own. "I need to use that bass figure," I remember. So I try to implement it, but it's way to fast, almost comically frantic. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. THIS is what I practiced all semester for? I can feel my face getting red. The solo section begins, and I'm just filling space. As long as I keep playing, everything will be alright, I won't have to look up at them. I've forgotten all about vocalizing or playing simple motifs, my hands play as many notes as they can fit in and I wish it sounded impressive but it pretty much reflects my absolute terror at the moment. I finish the song, and I truly wish the ground would swallow me up. They're faces are disturbingly indiscernable. I wish they would just say it sucked and let me leave.

Instead Brent asks me to play some ii-V-I progressions. Sure, whatever, just another thing for me to screw up on. And I do screw up. Okay, next humiliation.

My Funny Valentine. I'd actually been hoping to start with this one as I wasn't even sure I could remember all the chords. I start alright, although by now I'm too numb with mortification to play anything resembling music. I fumble through it, missing notes and pausing at difficult sections and FINALLY Brent tells me to stop. Then I have to sit through 2 agonizing minutes of one guy's critique because he didn't have a sheet to write on. He's very nice about it, but I feel like breaking into hysterical laughter when he tells me it sounded "frantic." Just how bad was it I wonder? I'm so glad I can't remember clearly.

The only time I've exited a room faster was when Brent asked me to sing for him during jazz lessons... You know, music teachers really do get to see the inner-most facets of your personality. It's a little disconcerting.

And so I shuffle across campus, basically, in the words of Professor McPherson "Thinking about death." And I still have to do a music theory project by tomorrow even though my enthusiasm for the art form is decidedly nil at the moment.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my German exam and our Music Theory "party?"

Finals - Monday

Okay, all-nighters are just stupid. I KNOW this. And yet, I definitely pulled my first all-nighter last night. No sleep. At all. It's because of this stupid Reporting for Mass Media article I had to write. It was on worship music, and I had a really difficult time contacting people so that in the end all I had were three sources. I asked for an extension but McPherson said no. Dang it McPherson! So this is pretty much how to be a bad student.

Why I Am A Bad Student #1 - I was so intimidated by this final paper that I kept putting it off. Procrastination, while something I joke about, really does bite me in the end. For some reason I could not make any progress on it. It's amazing how something that you spend 5 plus hours on can still be so crappy... So I don't even know about that class. If I had the time and energy I could try and revise my other paper and bring my grade up that way (I think I'm getting a B-, and if that turns into a C I will be really unhappy with myself, not to mention my parents...) Anyhow, I don't know, I may just give up on that class and be done with it as there's no guarantee I'll get a better grade on the revision anyways.

In other news, why do I insist on making an idiot out of myself in front of my professors? I was kind of embarrassed about asking for an extension, and so for some reason I could not shut up as I was waiting for my article to print so I could turn it in today. McPherson must have wanted to cry. I kept talking about Calvary Baptist, and as usual he proved that he was way more knowledgable about any subject known to mankind than I was. Okay, except for music, I definitely know more than him there. But honestly, sometimes I just want a roll of duct tape that I can use when I start feeling awkward and making a fool out of myself...

Why I Am A Bad Student #2 - Meanwhile I was super-tired today. I slept a ton, which means I now have a lot of catching up to do for my Intro to Business class. The nice thing is I have all of tomorrow morning as well as tonight, so I may be able salvage that. But I should have started studying a long time ago.

Why I Am A Good Student! - So I AM doing well in German. Aced my oral eval today and I scored above the 200 level on the placement exam. That bodes well for the final on Wednesday although I really haven't been as on top of this as I was last semester.

Why I Am A Bad Student #3 - Ugh, Jazz juries. I ALWAYS screw up jazz juries. And I actually was pretty good about practicing this year. Brent seems to think I'll be able to play proficiently in a few years. He keeps referring to future gigs, but I think he's nuts.

Why I Am A Good Student! - Last Theory test of the year today and I swear I aced it! Woohoo! So easy. Jazz harmonies? Thank you jazz lessons. Of course you play a melodic minor scale based on the third of a half-diminished chord! Doesn't everyone know that?

SO! I need to go get some caffeine, log in some serious practice hours and hit up the library. In other news they FINALLY fixed the heat in Stewart. Yay! Four days to go.

One Week Take Two

It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to one side
and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together, come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish,
although I like the Chalet Swiss
And I like the sushi
'case it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me
but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, 'cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
'Cause it's so dangerous
you'll have to sign a waiver
How can I help it if I think you're funny
when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind
on my sleeve
I have a history of takin off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait
till you say you're sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chicken
Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic
Like Sting, I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
Like Kurasawa, I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Gonna get a set a' better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying
off the back swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause the cartoon has got
the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny
when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind
on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought
you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame,
but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
'Cause it'll still be two days
till we say we're sorry.

:-)

This Day is Weird

So I woke up this morning a little later than I'd hoped, but full of good intentions and the drive to accomplish something. I'd scheduled an interview with the worship coordinator from New Community at the Service Station at noon, and I got up around 10:30 or so. I didn't feel the need to hurry but I was ready to go by 11:00 when it dawned on me. I couldn't find my keys. Shucks. Now what?

I tore the room apart. I searched through both my backpacks five times, checked all my jeans and sweatshirt pockets, looked down in the laundry room, thoroughly investigated the inside of the couch (otherwise known as the black hole, it eats things) and actually cleaned up and organized some papers. Nothing! I was getting worried because, while the Service Station isn't super far, it would probably take me at least a half hour if not more to walk there. My bike was across campus and I'm not comfortable riding it on Nevada anyways. So I began to frantically call my friends and finally got a hold of Erica. She was working, but she made some calls for me and her friend Tom was able to drive me over. It was nice of him and I was only ten minutes late.

After the interview (which went well), I bought some coffee because I'd used their venue and then prepared myself for the long walk back. Luckily I ran into a fellow music major who was just heading back to campus. All is going well. So far.

Lunch (well, breakfast) was an odd affair. I ran into my friends Jessie and Gabriella and as usual Gabriella offered to introduce me to the others at the table. Here's the thing, my dorm's Resident Director was sitting at the table AND I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HER! It was TOTALLY a context thing I swear! I'm not around Stewart a whole lot, but I have seen Katrina on a number of occasions and I do know who she is. But for some reason I didn't make the connection and firmly stuck my foot in my mouth. I was pretty much silent for the rest of the meal, but I didn't want to leave before they did because I could just imagine what they would say after I left! I KNOW I'm socially inept at times, but I don't TRY to be... I am such a dork.

When I returned to the dorms I realized my decision to where jeans and a sort of long-sleeved shirt was a bad one. It was really hot. Hotter than the weather forecast had predicted. I ordered my mom's mother's day/late birthday gift and called home for directions to the restaurant we're going to tomorrow, and then I looked for and finally found my keys (they WERE in one of my backpacks after all! Backpacks have too many pockets...) By this time it was unbearably hot in my room. I'm used to this because my house does not have air conditioning and it gets super hot upstairs in the summer. But this was ridiculous.

I went to open the windows all the way and realized that THERE WAS HEAT COMING OUT OF THE HEATER! What the...!? I checked the thermostat, but it was down as far as it could go. Why was the heat on? I went downstairs to check with the Resident Director who I had indirectly insulted at lunch, but she wasn't there. But I discovered that pretty much all the heaters in Stewart were on in some strange variation of the heat being broken. As long as the sewage system stays intact (it broke last year) I will be happy, but it's still pretty brutal. The bathroom is the worst, it must be close to 110 degrees right now... I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight, and showering in the morning could be an adventure. I was pretty dehydrated before I finally wised up and evacuated the building. I felt so yucky.

I had planned to go to the Saturday service at St. Mark's Lutheran as part of my journalism project. I felt a little awkward just showing up by myself, but I grabbed my stuff and went for it. It would have been one thing if I had been early, but by the time I got there I was either right on time or late. I didn't want to walk in late by myself. I was still considering things when, for some reason someone honked at me! (Was I drifting into their lane? What did I do?) This is a testament to how ridiculously sensitive I am and how much I can not handle anger. I don't get angry, I don't think I'm really capable of it, and I hate it when people get angry at me. I feel awful. So I felt like crawling into a hole because I hate it when people get angry at me when I drive AND when I do a bad job driving. Then I thought "what if they're going to the church service, what if it's someone I know?" So, as I said, in a testament to how sensitive I can be I turned around and went back to campus. What a waste of time and gas money...

And now it looks like the first thunderstorm of the season will be tonight. Rain and lightning with open windows. Woohoo. I love thunderstorms though. Once I asked my mom if I could go take a walk during one and she pretty much told me 'no' in every way possible. I could stand outside and try to catch a virgin pinecone (an unofficial requirement for graduation), but I should at least try to get SOMETHING done before I go to bed. Which means I should probably stop typing this. Still, it was such an odd day...

One Week

So I went to Karen's schola concert last night. So good! I feel sorry for people who only listen to one type of music. They miss out on so much! Generally this goes for non-music people, but sometimes we music nerds can get caught up in our superiority and overlook the fact that there's some pretty good stuff out there, and it doesn't have to be 100 years old. Likewise it can be. Or more.

Mostly right now I'm just trying to distract myself from the enormous amount of stuff I have to do. I just had my LAST EAR TRAINING CLASS. The final went okay, and I got an 'A' on my transcription even though I made a bunch of mistakes. I'd hate to see what a 'B' looks like. I will miss Ear Training a lot. I figure I'll try and continue by working on Mini-Mel (it's a computer program) and doing lots of transcriptions but I won't have anyone to check and see if they're right. But there's no substitution for sight-reading rhythms with 12 other peopl (1 ta-ta 2-ta-te-ta, 3-la-lee, 4-ta-te), I won't start my Tuesdays and Thursdays by singing a Bach chorale anymore, I won't get to hear Brent's amazing piano skills every day, and there will be no more Ear Training competitions! Honestly, I've developed so much as a musician just because of this measly one-credit class that gives everyone a headache. You put tons of work into it, and it's only one credit! *le sigh*

I really can't believe how much we've covered in only two years (I can't believe it's been 2 years!) I can sight-read quite a bit USING SOLFEGE! The only song I could sing in solfege before coming here was Do-Re-Mi from the Sound of Music. I always assumed that a good ear was something you were just born with and there was nothing you could do about it. Not true! Music does come more easily to some people, but you really can develop your ear if you work at it.

Now if I could only be done with Reporting for Mass Media. That's a class I won't miss.

So I'm taking down "Tank!" even though it makes me sad to do so. I think I'll put up a few different musics I've been enjoying lately. Yay for diversity!