So, you may remember the disaster that was my jazz jury last spring. Well friends, I think I've redeemed myself. I just went through the ordeal for this semester and, while not spectacular, was a definite improvement. Even Keberle said I'd improved. It's so nice to be back on that page instead of the disappointed looks of anguish page. I had a few memory slips (which was ridiculous because I knew those songs cold. I could probably recite the chord progression), but I think I managed to prove that I really did know it when I came to that section again. And some really good solo stuff happened. Like I said, there were some nerve things, but on the whole they seemed pleased and I wasn't disappointed with my progress. Hopefully as I develop as a player I'll be able to overcome my performance anxiety. I think it's already happening, so I hope it continues. And I feel like for every mistake I did something really good. Well, at least kind of good. Ish. Anyhow, now I'm rebounding from the emotional roller coaster that always happens when I perform so this is mostly just an outlet.
Just a small postscript to this. Do you realize how incredibly awkward jazz juries really are? Three legit jazz musicians staring at you while you try to play solo piano... Awkwaaard. And this time there was the odd smiling and head nodding (soooo awkward! I think Keberle was laughing at me during the Gershwin too... I just don't know!) but they can't let you know how you actually DID... You have to wait until spring semester for that. Then you get to cringe over their written comments and relive the experience all over again. Ahhhh music. I so don't understand why the heck I'm doing this sometimes.
It's here, in all its glory. And actually, it's pretty manageable, even with all of the other stuff I've been doing. I like doing fun things on weekends. Like going to surprise parties for friends' birthdays and watching My Fair Lady until 3:00a.m. on Friday. Or going to the Davenport (again!) with my parents and Elizabeth and then going to the Christmas Festival concert and THEN going to a Jenkins East reunion Christmas party on Saturday. The Christmas party was actually really great because not only did we watch Elf, but we called our old R.A. via Skype. Skype is like internet-phone, only you use a video camera so you can see the person you're talking to. Emily, my freshman R.A. (resident assistant) has been living in Thailand on some "teach in a foreign country" program. So it was really cool to talk to her. Then one Sunday I got to hear my friend Amy play organ, went to a candlelight chapel service, and sang Christmas carols at President B-Rob's house. Good weekend. Believe it or not I got some studying in too.
So now, I've just finished my last Core test. I have jazz juries tonight (I'm a applying for a scholarship... Fingers crossed!) Publicity and Public Relations presentation tomorrow. Finanacial Accounting final Wednesday. Conducting final on Thursday (and piano juries), and my last Core paper due on Friday. I can do it! Good luck to everyone else who has finals this week or within the month!
So I should be sleeping, but I just went back and read some old blog posts from sophomore/freshman year. And I realized I've changed a lot just in the span of 2 years. Which is kind of unsettling, but definitely a good thing. I was really neurotic at times wasn't I?
I've actually gotten pretty good at this practicing every day thing. Now it's the homework that I put off.
With that said, Thanksgiving break was amazing, albeit way too short. I managed to practice a lot, and read a ton of Greek mythology. I was planning on reading Norse mythology, but the book I got had a lot of different things so I read the entire Greek section, some of the Roman, and have started on Irish and Celtic. :-) I was never so happy being a dork. Except when I play music. I don't think there's such a thing as a jazz dork though. Well, maybe.
Thanksgiving proper was lovely. We actually had a bit of snow on the hills/mountains behind my house. A few of us went on a short hike through said hills. My cousin's family brought along their new dog/puppy, who has enough energy I'm sure he could become the alternative fuel source to petroleum everyone's looking for, if we just knew how to harness him. I got to see my "uncle" Larry for the first time in over a year or so. And we actually managed to be polite to each other, almost. ;-) So it was a good time with lots of good food and family, as it should be.
But now I'm back, obviously, and I only have one more week in which to get everything done before finals. Yikes. I think I can I think I can.
So I would just like to say that my jazz prof, the Amazing Brent Edstrom, is amazing! I went to the premiere of his concerto for jazz piano and orchestra at the Coeur d'Alene Symphony on Saturday and what can be said but that the man is a genius? It was really fantastic. Brent has such amazing piano technique and he really knows his stuff so his writing is always really solid. I've heard a couple of his pieces before, but this work was really extensive (6 movements!) with a lot of technical demands. It was great to hear him play and even better that I got to sit with about 8 other Whitworth students who were similarly in awe. Afterwards we brought him our programs to sign, and he was surprised that we wanted him to sign them! Does he think most people just sit down and write 6-movement concertos every day? It was almost kind of a weird role reversal because I was congratulating him and telling him he did a good job and you generally don't get the chance to tell your teacher something like that. So it was a great opportunity not only to hear some good music and support a member of Whitworth's great faculty, but to express my appreciation for all the time and effort he puts into teaching.
And THEN today I got to my first Spokane Symphony concert in the Fox! SO COOL! Number one, acoustics. Soooo much better than the Opera House. The music is right there, in your face, all around you. It's like you're listening to it on headphones, only it's live. And the view from the balcony is perfect, I could see all the musicians which was great because I not only got to listen but I was able to follow what the orchestra was doing by actually seeing the different sections work together. The concert itself was brilliant. The overture to Mozart's Magic Flute (meh, it's fun), a Chopin piano concerto played by Cecile Licad (a gorgeous piece played stunningly), and Stravinsky's Rite of Spring (My favorite! Stravinsky ROCKS!) I was afraid I'd have to experience this wonderfullness by myself, but luckily I ran into someone at lunch who said Laura (piano performance major/friend of mine) was dying to go to the symphony concert but didn't have a ride. So I ran and got her straight away and after buying student rush tickets we did homework in the lobby of the Davenport, which made us feel distinguished.
So now that I have once again proved that I am a music nerd, my weekend is over and I have to hope that I will make it through the next week. Even if I don't though, I'm not sure that I care.
I opted not to go home this afternoon for a few reasons. One being that they're watching Shadowlands in C.S. Lewis and I want to watch it with my friends. But it would be far too dorky to stay for that reason alone, so the other reason is that the window people are at my house installing windows and I don't really want to deal with that. Well, they aren't now but I figured I had to stay late enough that I may as well crash C.S. Lewis and see my friends. So I'm sitting in Weyerhaueser, feeling like a dork, and I'm sitting in Weyerhaueser... Okay, so there's a reference in here that you probably aren't getting. But it makes sense to me, because I feel like a dork...
Although I don't technically go through real "woods" and it's to my parents house, not my grandmother's... But Thanksgiving is coming and apparently we've already had some snow at my house! This is the first time since I've been at Whitworth that my house has gotten real snow before Whitworth has. This gives me hope for a real winter ahead, but I'm not holding by breath.
Wow, I suppose I have lots to catch up on. The jazz festival at Eastern went fairly well. The saxophones in Jazz II sounded really good and I managed not to do too badly, even on my insanely fast solo which makes me cringe. Our clinician was a nice guy (from exotic Colorado) and helpful, which doesn't always happen. I ate lunch with three guys I barely know, just because it was either that or eat by myself. That was slightly awkward, but oh well. Then I had my performance with Combo. I definitely played better than at our recital (except for maybe my solo), but as a group I felt like we weren't nearly as tight. We had the same clinician and he said some really good, fundamental things. So I hope everyone takes them to heart so that we can really improve as a group. It mostly inspired me to keep growing as a player, because generally I improve a lot the beginning of fall semester and then I kind of plateau, but I think I have enough ideas on how to improve that I might come close to being competent this year. Who knows, I may be able to give that elective jazz recital senior year, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Speaking of recitals, my good friend and excellent violinist Angela gave her junior recital this weekend. It was FANTASTIC. She was so composed and played amazingly well. All of her pieces seemed demanding, but it was obvious that her favorite was the Mendelssohn violin concerto, which I might try and put on the music that does still lurk at the bottom of my blog, even though it doesn't play automatically. You should check that out by the way.
I've recently discovered the Jacques Loussier Trio, which does some interesting things with jazz and classical music. I've been listening to Pandora a lot lately, and it's been turning me onto a lot of artists I didn't know about. Eric Reed is another good example. I've only heard his jazz interpretation of Chopin's prelude in e minor but it was fabulous. He's also a Christian apparently, which is rare it seems in the music world. The third discovery I'm really excited about is Danish composer Carl Nielsen. Neat stuff. Check it out if you can.
Besides Angela's recital the Wind Symphony gave their concert this weekend too. They did an excellent job. One of the pieces they played was something written by my brother's old composition professor, Michael Young. That was enticement enough for me to check it out. I managed to introduce myself to Mr. Young, which was neat. He remembered my siblings which was quite astounding because he'd taught for so long! He honestly looks and acts exactly like Santa Claus. He was even wearing red! I'm serious! Long, bushy white beard, jolly personality, everything. No, you don't understand. He IS Santa Claus. It's true.
Anyhow, neat stuff. I'm pretty much done with serious work for the week, so I just need to make sure I practice tons and after this it's only a couple more weeks until the semester's over. Wow. College is going by fast.
Wow, sorry for all the writing today, but I was looking over my blog and I realized that somehow I completely forgot to post about Saxtoberfest! It was this great event at Whitworth where this guy demonstrated all (well, almost) of the different saxophones. There's more than just four folks! From the piccolo sax to the subcontrabass! If you've got a few spare moments, check out all his amazing sound samples and pictures of saxes and other woodwinds.
First of all I'd like to allay the anxieties of all those blog-readers out there. I'm really very silly and my grades are (currently) fine. Long story short. Let's move one.
Busy weekendness with lots of opportunities for ranting! Friday I made a sincere effort to attend a distant friend's birthday party. She lived in my dorm last year and although I've never spent much time with her I've always felt we were kindred spirits in a sense. So now that she's living off campus and not so connected to college/social life I thought it would be good to get to know her a little better. Unfortunately the event kicked off late, so I basically got to stand around and make small talk for half an hour and then had to leave. But I hope we catch up with each other someday. She seems like a neat girl and I'm sure we'd have a lot to talk about.
The reason I had to leave early was because of an unfortunate event. Another friend of mine who was in my hall freshman year is transferring schools to a far away place. She's been having back problems and needs to be closer to home for treatment and so on. I haven't had the chance to see her much since that first year of school, but she is one of the funniest people I know and I will really miss seeing her on campus. It's just another reminder of how short our time at college really is and how most of these great relationships we form while here are destined to a premature close. She decided to have a farewell dinner at Red Robin and since that was the last chance I would have to see her again, I opted out of my other friend's birthday to attend. Although I didn't get to talk with her as much as I'd hoped, I did get to catch up with some other Jenkins girls and that was really good. I hope she does well at her new school and makes lots of new friends, even though we will miss her a lot.
I spent most of Saturday at the WSMTNA piano competitions. I was required to observe performances for 2.5 hours because of my lesson scholarship. Unfortunately I didn't time my arrivals very well and ended up waiting a lot. Luckily I had Jane Austen with me so I read a good chunk of Pride and Prejudice. I was also given a chance to rant about how much I hate competitions. It seems to me that someone sits and thinks "How can we make music not fun?" and from that we get competitions. Okay, so they have their place. I do admire the excellence that the contestants strive for, competitions do foster a higher standard of playing and that's important. But I think, and I almost always have, that there's too much emphasis on trophies and medals and getting first prize in the music world. I quit competing when I was in junior high for 2 simple reasons. One, it was about as fun as sticking a shard of glass into your eye. Two, because I wasn't any good at it. Gosh I hate John Coltrane. More on that later. Anyhow, piano competitions. They attract some first-rate artists, which is great. And yet, I think that someone can play a piece flawlessly with all the expression and phrasing and whatever and still fail to make MUSIC. Because music should be more than the right motions at the right times. Now, some people manage to rise above the competition atmosphere, but they are few. Think about it. The performer is beyond nervous and unless they are a very strong sort of person they are not enjoying themselves at all. They're either focused on winning or just focused on not screwing up in front of the judges. And they're paranoid about everyone in the room watching them. The judges are the antagonists. Either terrifying or menacing depending on the confidence of the performer. Meanwhile everyone in the room/competition is busy hating/fearing everybody else. We're not sitting down to enjoy an evening of music, we're in a war man! Parents are the worst. Full of anxiety about their kid and wo befall any other child who threatens their kid's chance at the top spot! As for the judges, they sit and listen to pianist after pianist, growing fatigued in this charged atmosphere whilst trying to listen for the minutest details. Tell me, does this sound like an environment in which music, and I don't mean technically good music but joyful, life-filled music, would flourish? Like I said, they have their place, but they can get ugly.
I didn't really enjoy my 2 hour stint. I listened to four pianists. The first was a beautiful thin Asian girl who played some very, very challenging pieces and was almost equal to them. Unfortunately her program was just a trifle too demanding in my opinion which left her open to some minor mistakes and less than adequate expression. But all in all her playing was very impressive and far better than mine to be sure. Next was a sort of awkward, pale young man with glasses who played at a less-challenging level than the girl but also made some mistakes and was not as expressive. The third pianist I heard was the best of the four in my opinion. He was very tall and looked kind of like Ringo from his early days with the Beatles. Once again his pieces were not as challenging as the girl's, but he played them with almost perfect poise and accuracy and in a way that allowed me to actually enjoy what he was playing. Unfortunately he overran his time limit but I still hope he did well. The last performer was truly interesting. She had dark skin and a beautiful face, wore ridiculously tall high heels and had her hair up in a precarious bun. The high heels were unfortunate because there was no way for her to gracefully pedal with them. Her pieces were very difficult but she had some memory lapses and mistakes that made me think "why do these kids try to play such showy pieces when they could play so much better with something less flashy?" Also, on her last piece, which was very rhythmic, her bun started falling out so that by the time she stood up to bow it was everywhere! This in addition to her rather unique way of breathing/vocalizing/sometimes counting out loud made it difficult for me and my friends to keep a straight face, which really isn't fair since she did play very well and above and beyond what I'm capable of. She just needs to work on her presentation a little bit. :-)
So with all this competition nonsense there were NO practice rooms. I was really unhappy because I'm performing with my combo and Jazz II at the Eastern Jazz Festival on Thursday. Oh well. I guess whatever happens, happens. Speaking of jazz, Jazz I had it's concert with guest artist Terence Blanchard yesterday and it was amazing. It wasn't quite as good as the one last year with Robin Eubanks in my opinion but that's nitpicky. Whenever you get the chance to see grammy-winning jazz artists, you pretty much can't complain. This guy started out with the likes of Lionel Hampton and Art Blakey! But for all that he seemed really down to earth and was really supportive of Whitworth's musicians. It was neat.
Today, after listening to the Men's Chorus at Colbert, I celebrated my father's 58th birthday at the Downriver Grill. My parents and Eric and Jenny were there. We know one of the chefs, which is fun, the food's very good and it was nice to see my family since I don't very often anymore. I got my Dad a Whitworth Dad sweatshirt (I hope this one fits!) It was also my parents' 33rd wedding anniversary! Wow. S0 a very full weekend altogether and a very full week ahead. I just have to make it through the 20th and then it will be Thanksgiving break!
Oh, and John Coltrane. He's revered in the jazz world. He's one of the biggest names there is. It's pretty much blasphemy not to like him. And yet I don't. He gives me a headache. I understand that his ideas are all revolutionary and stuff, but his tone is just icky. Sorry, but even if I am a small fish two-bit sophomoric jazz-pianist wannabe I'm entitled to my opinion. Coltrane is not fun to listen to, although the piano section of Softly isn't too bad. :-0)
So, I consider myself a good student. Or used to. I used to consider myself as an A student. I'm not satisfied with anything beneath an A. Even if it's an A-. That said, I don't mind an A- or two, or even the occasional B. Anything below that is sure to upset me however. I got my first B- in college last semester in Reporting for Mass Media. I was really disappointed, especially since my goal is to have a cumulative GPA that's above a 3.75. The fact that I have not reached this is disappointing, but it would be even worse if my grades dropped below a 3.5. Then I'd lose my scholarship. Not all of it, but I'd be receiving less money and I'm already in enough debt as it is. That's one way that I can fund my education without burdening my future finances or my parents, but if I end up not meeting that requirement, I don't know what I'll do.
I've never had a reason to seriously worry about this before now. But for some reason I'm just not making it this semester. It's stupid. I'm confident of an A in one class, and that's not enough. Mostly what's worrying me is Financial Accounting. After doing extremely poorly on our first test (and I was above the class average, which tells you something) I was confident I could salvage my grade if I just did well on all the homework and the remaining tests. If I can do better on the final, it will replace my lowest test score. But I may have blown this opportunity because of a project that I didn't realize was worth the same amount as a test. I did not leave myself enough time to do the project as well as I would have liked, and I'm really, really disappointed in myself for that. There may be no way to save my grade after this. (Trust me, it's bad). We have our second test tomorrow and I'm seriously worried.
I'm also anxious to get my Core test back because I REALLY need an A in that class now as it's worth the most credits. I've been getting stupid B+'s on all my conducting exams, and that's just stupid. I should be able to get A's easily in that class and I would I'm sure if I'd just take the time to practice. Once again it's not my ability level that's holding me back but my responsibility.
My current cumulative is lower than I would like in any case, so I had a lot riding on this semester. Especially since the apparent perception is that you're supposed to have everything together by junior year. You're supposed to be responsible by now. They expect a higher level of performance. I'm obviously not living up to that. I thought I was more intelligent than this. I thought I could handle more. I'm just so angry with myself right now for the fact that I cannot consistently maintain good grades anymore!
And honestly, it makes me feel really stupid when I look at all my friends who have double majors and are taking all these writing-intensive upper-division credits and are in laureate society and I can't even pass stupid financial accounting or my stupid 2 credit conducting class or get a solid A in lessons or Core or ANYTHING! And we saw what happened when I did take an upper-division course. A lot of my friends have 2 majors and a minor and are doing great and I'm struggling with just one major and a minor. I wanted to prove that I was equal to succeeding at the college level, especially because I come from a small high school where academic standards weren't that high. Maybe it's my pride talking but I wanted to be the exception to the rule. And I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people but that's exactly what employers do and I'm just so frustrated with my major and I'm really worried about what I'll do after college. I'd really like to add a Jazz Performance track to my music major but I don't dare try because I'd have to pass upper-division and obviously I'm already sinking under the business track.
I've just been thinking that my college career is over halfway done and that once I get out, it's over. It's time for the real world. No more music for one. If I'm lucky I'll get employed as a secretary or something and hate my job and be struggling to pay rent somewhere and pay off my loans. It's one thing to get a job as a music major. But on top of that "oh, I see you did poorly in all your business classes... Hmmm I think we'll hire somebody else." My brother isn't helping matters. Every time I see him he tells me how much he regrets being a music major and how much he dislikes his job and how I should enjoy college while I can because life pretty much sucks afterwards. Which is what I've suspected all along. I feel like, for my parent's sake, I need to be the kid who is financially independent. My sister is living off of donations for her school in Mexico, my brother does have a paying job but it's just with the after-school programs. My parents are always talking about how they're worried about him. My mom says it's different for me because I'm a girl and I won't have to support a family but I don't care! IF I do get married I don't want to be a stay-at-home-mom. It's not that there's anything wrong with that it's just not for me. And frankly I don't really even want to get married because getting married implies having children and I really, really don't want to have children. Anyhow, sorry for subjecting you to all this, I just really needed to vent. Especially since talking to other people at Whitworth doesn't help because I'm always just hearing about how they got an A on such and such a test or how they're really disappointed in the A- they got when at this point I'd die to get an A-. I'm just so disappointed with myself and so worried about how I'm going to support myself after college and I know I should trust God but it's so much easier to say than to do.
So this weekend was Fall Break. Which was nice. I read Sense and Sensibility. That was cool. Unfortunately I kind of forgot about the existence of homework. The result of which was a mad scramble yesterday that will continue throughout the week to get everything done. Needless to say, I don't think I'll get the president's cup when I graduate. Stupid financial accounting.
We've started using batons in conducting. That is fun. There are even 2 sizes to choose from, 12 inches and 14 inches. I use a 12 inch baton because I'm short.
One of the benefits of being on the college radio station is you have access to all their CD's. Granted you couldn't pay me to listen to half of them, and I don't think I'd fork out money for any of it, but it is a good opportunity to listen to some new stuff. So I added some Matisyahu to my playlist. He's an Hasidic Jewish reggae rapper... Which is different.
Well, not really. I think that's impossible. But I am extremely tired and it's not over yet! For an idea of what my week has unexpectedly been like, here's a schedule.
Monday - 8:00a.m. - Fitness Programs started! Oh boy... I now have an 8:00am PE class to get to every morning. Lucky me. Afterwards I eat and shower and by the time I'm done it's time for...
10:40a.m. - Core 250! The lecture was on Kant. Forrest lectured. He's pretty much my favorite of the core team, so that was good. I was also reminded at this point that we had a test on Wednesday. Yep, definitely didn't study for that over my "laid-back" weekend.
noon - I can't remember. Possibly lunch. Probably finishing up the homework for Financial Accounting.
1:00 - Conducting.
2:00 - Financial Accounting. We have a project due Wednesday. Woohoo.
3:00 - I don't even remember this until 8:00p.m. when I had rehearsal with my combo.
Tuesday - 9:00a.m. - Radio. Hurray. I get to play "music" I hate with a few exceptions.
11:00a.m. - Radio's done. I study for my test tomorrow for an hour. Then I have a meeting with a fellow accounting student and we try to hammer out our project but I have to leave at 1:30.
1:30p.m. - Jazz lessons. We look over Jazz 1 tunes as I'm more concerned about that rehearsal.
2:00 - I practice until 3:30, then I pray that my first Jazz 1 rehearsal will go well.
3:30 - It doesn't.
5:00 - I run back to my dorm and try to orientate myself before...
5:30 - Radio class.
6:00 - Get ready for combo concert.
6:15 - dinner with the fam. I haven't eaten since 9:00 in the morning.
8:00 - It's go time. The combo concert is on. I could have done better, but I was happy to see everyone who came.
9:00 - 1:00a.mish - Homework/study for core test.
Wednesday - 8:00a.m.! - Fitness Programs! We did fitness testing. Push-ups, sit-ups, sit and reach, and a 12 minute run.
9:30 -breakfast/last-minute study session
10:40 - Core test
Noon - practice piano
1:00 - Conducting. We got out early so I grabbed a quick lunch of champions. PB&J, veggies, and a double-shot espresso.
2:00 - financial accounting
3:00 - I pretty much practiced until 6:30, there was a 30 minute break in there somewhere, and I may not have started until 3:30 or 4:00 because all the practice rooms were full. I sat in the hall and waited until somebody left. I feel kind of stupid having to practice for that long, but at the same I'd only had one rehearsal and I had about six or so tunes to learn.
6:30 - Jazz 1 rehearsal number 2. This one went marginally better. Now if I can just improve that much over again by tomorrow night I might do alright at the performance.
7:00 - More practicing.
7:30 - Dinner. A bowl of cereal and a glass of water because saga is closed.
8:00 - Home again home again and with zero ambition to do anything productive until I've had a good night's sleep.
I have homework. So of course I'm blogging. It's been a very fun weekend/month/semester so far. Yesterday a group of us music majors/minors went to the Coeurd'Alene Symphony to hear Angela play. Phil Baldwin is the concertmaster and there was a good cellist and violinist guest artist. They played a piece from an opera by Rimsky-Korsakov, Haydn's Clock Symphony, and the Brahms double concerto. The concerto was by far the best. Then we all went to dockside and had way too much fun and made stupid music jokes and decided that we would have to coordinate similar outings so that we music people wouldn't be so isolated in the future. It was a great time.
Of course we had our usual Pride and Prejudice viewing on Saturday morning, and I got to attend a P.G. Wodehouse reading on Friday at Margaret's which I've been missing since combo started. This morning the Whitworth Choir sang at Whit Pres, so that was cool. And this afternoon there's a violin and piano recital at the music building. I've never heard William Bolcolm before so I'm looking forward to it. It's been a good weekend for music.
The SMTA also had their workshop this weekend and I was required to go to it. They had some good points and by far the most interesting thing I learned was about some research by Barry Bittman. Apparently music physically impacts people on the DNA level. Something to do with the stress response. There's a whole website devoted to it if you have time to kill. Just search for Barry Bittman.
There's been so much going on I'm sure I've forgotten quite a bit. It seems like I've done something every weekend, which is strange for me. A couple of weeks ago I got to visit Ben Brody's house with his History and Theology of Worship class. Once again I am amazed at the amazingness of Whitworth professors. I had simply decided to tag along to mass with my roommate since their whole class was going and I know people in the schola (hurray!). But afterwards Dr. Brody invited me to join the rest of his class and go to his house for dinner. There was homemade lasagna and pumpkin cake and interesting musical discussion. Amazing. Sometimes I think I was born for academia. And talk about generosity. I'm not even in his class and he invited me to his house! I love Whitworth.
I can't remember what I did last weekend. Oh wait! BJ night! Katie organized a reunion for all the BJ girls in our class. We went to David's Pizza and ate lots of pizza and just "chilled as we'd never chilled before" as Katie put it. It was a good time. Afterwards Smac and I went and saw this hilarious comedian that ASWU had brought in. I don't think I've ever been so involved with campus life and activities and socialness before. I feel like the academic side of things isn't as demanding as it has been in the past. Maybe I'm getting the hang of it and maybe I just took easier classes this term. I still need to stay a little more on top of things however. My grades aren't stellar at the moment. But life is good.
I need something mindless to do while I listen to music. Because this year I'm really taking advantage of having access to tons of music via my dorm's network. It's great.
Today's been kind of crazy. I had a Core 250 exam this morning. It's interesting to see how various people prepare for Core. Have I talked about Core? I'm sure I have... It's a series of 3 required classes that you must take in order to graduate regardless of your major. Well, there are some exceptions but not many. Core 150 is kind of an "intro to the Christian faith" writ large... Actually, even after passing it I'm still not quite sure what the unifying theme of it is. It's a little bit of theology, some history, cultural studies... I dunno. Right now I'm in Core 250, which is straight philosophy and it's amazing. We've just finished a unit on Plato, Aristotle, the Sophists, Augustine, and Aquinas. Which, you may imagine, would be kind of overwhelming if you'd never heard of these people before. So some people were really freaking out and having all-nighters and some people barely studied. I'd say I fall into the tertium quid.
Anyhow, in addition to the first Core exam of the semester, I had a paid gig tonight. I was kind of freaking out about it because there was no way to prepare. It was just a show up and read out of the Real Book type of deal. But, fortunately, my sight-reading has improved tremendously, so I survived. I was really nervous in the hours leading up to it though. After my last class of the day, I basically had to get ready for my gig at 5:30. It complicated matters that I had to use Whitworth's electric keyboard. This required transporting said keyboard and an amp across campus. I don't know how I would have done it without our drummer's help. Since he has to move a whole drum set, he brought a car with a lot of space and could help me lift things. It didn't help that it was raining, so we had to cover the cymbals, amps, and electrical wires while moving them from location to location. It took a long time to set up, and after we had been messing around with this for maybe 45 minutes, the instrumentalists decided to show up. Instrumentalists have it so easy. Although usually I can't complain about the set up part. Although I can complain about the instrument.
The actual gig was Whitworth's "Pirate Night," which is basically an auction that benefits the athletics department. So there were lots of rich people and the atmosphere was really nice. I don't mind getting paid for something like that. It's probably the best job I've ever had, even though my playing was all over the place. I hate keyboards. I could not hear myself through the amp. That makes it kind of difficult.
So we've started an unofficial Jane Austen/period drama club I think. We meet at 10a.m. on Saturdays and watch movies such as Pride and Prejudice (the miniseries), Emma, Sense and Sensibility, I think North and South is on the list... It's a good time. Recently we've provided sugary cereal just for fun. You know, the gross stuff that has no nutritional value but reminds you of childhood? It's amazing.
So, part of my so far amazing weekend is the fact that the Magic Lantern had its grand reopening. Originally a small theater for what I'll refer to, for lack of a better name, indie films in the 1970's, the Magic Lantern has returned to provide us with things that Hollywood blockbusters just can't. For me, this means foreign films.
Don't ask me where my spontaneous interest in film, or foreign film, has come from. All I know is I was inspired to take a foreign film class this semester which so far has been amazing. So I was excited to learn about the Magic Lantern because so often I hear about cool films that I will never see because Spokane is so small. I guess it's the fact that I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm always missing out on something. America is not obviously the only place that has films, or music, or art of merit. And I know that there are about a billion amazing live performances in bigger cities that blow Spocompton out of the water.
But now that the world is shrinking so rapidly, we have both the exhilarating and the terrifying opportunity to virtually see it all. For someone like me, this kind of a chance is almost suicide. Because I'm the type of person who WANTS to see it all. To not miss anything because our time here is limited, and while heaven will be infinitely better, think of all the things I could learn in the meantime! It's silly I know. And yet it's not. It could be a philosophy if I just refined it a little more. There is good solid sense in there somewhere. At the same time there is the danger of taking it too far. Of becoming so obsessed with consumption and all the experiences life has to offer that I miss the important stuff. While I'm glued to YouTube watching old jazz performances, or going to the movies, or the theater, or even a concert like the symphony I'm missing out on life. On people. Not things. Real people. Real relationships. On a real God. Art is supposed to be there to enhance life. To add meaning to it. To help us understand it. Not to replace it. And I think finding a balance in our consumption of not just entertainment but EVEN ART is increasingly becoming the challenge of this era. In my opinion we've probably already crossed the line. I've probably already crossed the line. Idolatry is alive and well...
That's kind of depressing. I could go on. But that random rant was not what this post was originally for. Through circumstances I will probably expound on later, I found myself at the opening of the Magic Lantern buying tickets for Katrina and I to see "La Vie en Rose," a French film that roughly translates to "Life Through Rose-Colored Glasses."
The film follows the life of French singer Edith Piaf. I had never even heard the name Edith Piaf before seeing this film. I had no idea what it was about. All I knew is my film prof recommended it and Katrina wanted to see it like most people want to pass final exams. Anyhow, I didn't know what I was getting into. But it was good. It was very good. Edith Piaf was an ICON in France in the early to mid 1900's. Like Frank Sinatra or Elvis is here. I'd never heard of her, yet the minute that soundtrack started playing I found the music to be extremely familiar. I had never heard half the songs before, and I'm sure I'd never heard her sing before (the score utilized actual recordings of her), but I'd heard her influence on the world of music.
The trailer makes it look like just an ordinary "biopic." But the way Olivier Dahan directs this makes it more consequential than the slough of similar pictures that have flooded American screens. Films like Ray, De-Lovely, whatever that one on the Temptations was called... Part of it is because Edith Piaf had one of the craziest lives in human existence. Born on the streets, shuffled from her alcoholic maternal grandparents to her grandmother who worked as a cook in a brothel to life with her father who was a wandering contortionist. She sang on the streets until she was discovered and put to work on the cabaret stage and later became well, almost world-famous. Yeah. Insane. I'd say the fact that she was pretty emotionally unstable is pretty understandable. She had too many love affairs for me to count. I'm not sure if she was married once or twice. She had a daughter early in life, but wasn't a very good mother to her (hmmm, wonder why) and later lost her to some sort of illness. She lost the love of her life in a plane crash (who was, by the way, married with three children). She was a chronic alcoholic AND, after being prescribed morphine after a car accident, she became dependent on it requiring 10 shots a day. This led understandably to health problems and her premature death at the age of 47. Yikes, to say the least.
The scary thing is I know almost none of this from the movie. Most of it was gleaned from my own research after I was back in my room. Because the movie doesn't move chronologically. It unfolds as a series of sequences that span from childhood to the day of her death in no apparent order. It's impossible to understand what's happening sometimes. And of course creative license was taken in places. And yet, the conglomeration created a cohesive whole. Because it presented the whole person. At once. In her death scene, at the end of the movie, we don't see just some old woman dying. We see the young child, the 20-year-old, the rat on the streets, the revered artist, all dying at once. It's hard to explain, but it's extremely emotional.
The movie is not flawless, although surprisingly clean considering its subject matter. Not clean. Just surprisingly cleaner than you'd expect. There are some overly-sentimental scenes. Some contrived. And one, in which St. Therese speaks to her out of a poorly-animated swirl of flame, that reminded me more of Disney than of French sophistication. If I was into French, or France, or had lots of money I might consider buying it. But as it is, it's not a favorite. But I am really glad I saw it.
What touched me about it was seeing this amazing woman, and what she became, and where she came from. It really makes one think about how childhood shapes us for the rest of our lives. How some people can rise above their beginnings, and yet everyone is ultimately fettered in some way by their upbringing. Another striking theme for me was her devotion to St. Therese. Whether she really was so devoted or not, I can hardly call the devotion "Christian," as I define it (and don't make snarky comments Karen, I doubt you'd agree with anyone who said a saint had sent them a married man in order to be their lover...) And yet it really reminded me, starkly, of the power, the draw, that Christ and our faith has on those who are desperate. No matter how many missions, food banks, or shelters we set up I don't think we will ever respond to this need enough. I don't think we will ever fully know the power Christ has to change lives. It's beyond our sinful comprehension in a way that's simultaneously saddening and wonderful. If anyone is confused by this, I'd love to discuss it further. I think it was the three things I've mentioned: her life/death and how it was presented, her upbringing and how it affected her, and my own inserted reminder of my commission as a Christian that really, really made me appreciate this film.
So I'd love it if you'd listen to the three songs I've put on my playlist and remember that it's not just some random French lady singing in a language you can't understand and rolling her R's a lot. It's Edith Piaf. Musically, I think she was superb. Crap it's 10:00 and I need to practice.
I've realized now that my failure to post anything about The Weekend Retreat has been a severe misjudgment on my part.
What is the Weekend? It's something that the chapel puts on every year mostly for the benefit of lost little freshmen or just for upperclassmen who don't want to admit they're upperclassmen. It's a way to get to know people, get away from campus and homework and stress and just have some fun and Christian fellowship. And so last Friday evening after almost missing the bus (I had to get a sleeping bag from my dad) I found myself on my way to Riverview Bible Camp, which just so happens to be a camp I stayed at when I was little. In fact, we ended up staying in the same cabin as I did the last time I'd been there. I was with a great group of girls. We all got along really well even though we were all super different.
Whitworth always brings in a speaker of some sort for this and we have a series of what I guess you'd call "mini" chapels. Hosanna, Whitworth's worship team, did a great job leading worship (although I'm biased because I know half of them) and then we'd have a small church service. This year's speaker was Mosos Pulei, who is a new professor in the theology department. Here's the thing, he grew up in a Maasai tribe in Kenya. !!!. He went to Whitworth as a student through support from World Vision, and then after doing some work in Kenya he went to graduate school and I think Princeton seminary. I think that sounds right. But he grew up in a Maasai tribe! He had some crazy stories. He killed a leopard with a spear when he was a teenager!!! A leopard! And I guess his parents arranged a marriage for him while he was at Whitworth with a 13-year-old or something. When he came back home after 2 years, they expected him to get married. Instead, he was able to adopt her as his sister (it's a Maasai thing). So it was cool just to hear him talk about his life.
Besides that pretty much nobody got any studying done. I enjoyed an awesome game of basketball and frisbee, and went down Riverview's ginormous slide a couple six times, and watched my friends make fools out of themselves at the "dance" party... And I also watched my friends run around with plastic geese on their heads.
Okay, that one takes some explaining. We were having a cabin discussion outside when someone said "are those fake geese?" I was wondering what made a goose inauthentic as opposed to "real" when I saw that they meant some like lawn-ornament type hollow geese that were sitting a few yards from us. Do not ask me where they came from. Do not ask me what they were for. I do not know. I just know we had way to much fun with them. One of the girls put one on her head and terrorized the boys. We took three of them to our cabin and named them Duck, Duck, and Maverick. We took lots of pictures. Here is one.
Anyhow, it's kind of hard to explain. My roommate got a video of the girl sneaking up on the praying boys whilst wearing the above goose, but we have not yet got it on the internet. Anyhow, it hardly needs to be said that we had way too much fun and were very sad to get back to the real world when we did. This weekend is turning out to be similarly amazing and I will have to post about. It's good to have crazy fun times.
Saga had a lot of professors in it today. Yoder was there. So was President B-Rob. And of course Dr. K. I've always been envious of the science majors because they get to eat lunch with Kamesh Sankaran, who is affectionately known as "The Rocket Scientist," or Dr. K.
The man is a fixture at campus dining services. Or anywhere else. He makes a point of eating with students, talking with students, asking names, opinions, and challenging critical thinking skills. It's always been a farfetched goal of mine to have lunch with two persons. Bill Robinson (he also scouts saga for unsuspecting students sometimes) and The Rocket Scienctist. I mean, anyone who VOLUNTARILY eats at saga on his own buck has got to be committed to a cause. Alas, I am not ever anywhere near the science building except for film class so my chances of dining with the immaculately dressed Dr. K have always been slim (the man wears a full suit and tie every day, which is unusual as most Whitworth profs prefer the sweatervest-and-clashing-shirt look).
But luck would have it that my freshman friend Elizabeth knows a couple of science kids, who were eating lunch with us today, and who should sit at our table but the elusive Dr. K. And so one more thing was checked off my "experiences to have before I graduate" list.
We talked about Christianity and evaluating speakers that come to campus and things. Well, he asked questions and I watched the freshmen stagger through them, trying to feel smug while confusedly sorting out what this guy was really getting at. The fact that I had been to neither of the lectures they were referencing didn't help (although in this case I can honestly say that the excuse of "I can't, I have rehearsal" was legit). All in all, I enjoyed it a lot and left early for some procrastinated homework leaving behind three intrigued freshmen and one of the coolest professors on campus.
Whitworth has started a new program called "Dine with a Mind," where students can ask professors to come share in a delicious meal of saga food. It's cool. I would do it. If it wasn't so inherently awkward. "Um, excuse me Dr. Person-who's-really-busy-and-is-probably-fawned-on-by-students-all-day, would you have dinner with me? Maybe a short movie afterwards? We can talk about Plato's allegory of the cave..." It's just not the kind of thing I would do. Yet there are several professors on my list that I would love to sit down with and say "what do you think about X?" And the mere fact that I have the opportunity to do this makes me love Whitworth more than ever. Long live college. Now if I could just get B-Rob's number...
Allow me to be super-elated here for a moment and say: I MADE JAZZ COMBO 1! Or something like it. The bottom line, is I managed to weasel my way into one of the top jazz combos. AHHHHH!!!!!! As exciting as this is, it's also a lot of pressure and responsibility. But mostly it's exciting. I am going to chain myself to that piano this year. I also, uh, made jazz ensemble 2. Slight problem: I have a conflict. I have night classes on Tuesdays and it meets Tuesday and Thursday nights. So we'll see what happens with that. In the meantime it is time to start seriously hitting that piano, maybe write a few jazz arrangements, do some transcribing... *dances away while screaming hysterically*
So I've been sitting here for half an hour waiting for my amazing roommate to get back from the writing center so she can loan me her laundry card. Because mine only has 25 cents on it. The clothes and detergent are all loaded... I just need fifty more cents or so. Luckily my roommate is a kind, generous and trusting soul who is able to put up with my many crises. Otherwise life would be much more difficult. Like right now for instance. I would be standing in the laundry room, debating whether to ask for the generosity of a complete stranger while hoping that my clothes weren't being defiled by laundry detergent. Laundry detergent isn't really of much use to anybody without water. That's an awkward situation I'd much rather avoid as doing laundry is, in and of itself, awkward enough. Imagine: you're about to wash your undergarments when a guy walks in and decides to use the machine next to you. You're standing there with a pile of embarrassing clothes items. What do you do? Hide? Stuff them all into the machine as quickly as possible? Avoid eye contact? A combination of all three?
Or perhaps A) you need to use a dryer which is full of some guy's boxer shorts... or B) you walk in and some guy is unloading a dryer full of the equivalent of YOUR boxer shorts...!!! or even worse C) you and said guy know each other! All are situations I have for the most part been able to avoid, to my knowledge. But the very thought of them strikes terror into my very soul. I mean, simply another girl examining my unmentionables is bad enough... I STRONGLY DISLIKE LAUNDROMATS AND ALL FORMS OF COMMUNITY LAUNDRY ACTIVITY! In fact the only time I prefer people to observe my clothing is when I'M WEARING IT and this DEFINITELY EXCLUDES UNMENTIONABLES! This would explain why I hate shopping. I can just see myself waiting in line to buy a shirt while the two girls behind me whisper to each other about how hideous it is. Am I paranoid? Yes.
My other fear is that, either I will see someone or vice versa and recognize the clothes they are wearing from when I had to remove their laundry from the dryer. I suppose this shouldn't bother me, but it does. Just think "oh, there's Heidi, wait... I recognize that t-shirt. I've had to pull it out of the dryer like fifty times... She must not own many clothes..." Which is true. My first year of college my closet made it look like I was an ascetic. Some of my clothing this year still has tags on it because I haven't worn it yet.
My lack of clothing and shoes and such is simply proof that somewhere along the line I missed a few crucial lessons in the femininity department. Either that or I refused to attend. Probably the latter. Take make-up for example. Even stage make-up scares me, and I have far more experience with that than with the normal kind. I was out looking for foundation while shopping with my mom and sister and I asked mom how to choose the right tone/shade/whatever. Her response? "I don't know." I love my mother, but sometimes it's no wonder I'm at a loss as far as womanly guidance is concerned. So I try my best and hope I don't embarrass myself too thoroughly although if I do I'm used to it and try to laugh at myself.
I don't think boys truly appreciate the pressures of being female. They assume that fashion sense, color coordination, and the ability to smell nice all come naturally. Like when you're twelve you have an epiphany and think "Aha! Red and purple are not complimentary!" Or in my case, you paint the rocket you made in science class red and purple and your gay friend tells you that they clash. My career as an artist died that day. I still carry the scars.
Yes, I was never cut out to be a girly-girl. You know, the kind that giggle politely instead of laughing obnoxiously, walk gracefully in heels, know how to braid their hair in five different patterns, and actually like the color pink. But does the fact that I don't know what color is currently in style or whether or the fact that I look like a deranged mime whenever I try to apply lipstick necessarily make me unfeminine? Okay, maybe some people would say yes, I'm a freak. And I'd agree. But I'd like to argue that femininity means more than pink and Maybelline just like masculinity is more than football and barbecuing. And I think our culture is seriously confused about exactly what it means to be masculine or feminine. It's like these new "outreach" programs for men. Apparently "men hate going to church." And to remedy this what are we doing? We're adding men's get-togethers that include football and barbecuing. Nothing against all that, but I'm thinking if guys are finding something lacking in the church, football isn't exactly going to fix the problem. There's probably something a little deeper going on there.
So stay tuned as we explore these exciting topics, because the popular cultural definitions of what is masculine and what is feminine have been ticking me off every since I was 12. These superficial definitions are absolutely ridiculous and mean absolutely nothing. Don't tell me what I have to look like, don't tell me what I have to act like, and stay away from my laundry.
Please listen to Tchaikovsky beat. It's amazing. How did I find this musical gem? Well, it all started while driving back from the amazing British tea I had with Karen and friends. Tchaikovsky's Slavonic March was playing on the radio, which just happens to be one of my favorite pieces. So I thought I would add it to my blog. Well, I found one version which is played way too fast. And Tchaikovsky Beat. You're probably listening to it right now and marveling at its... brilliance.
I also have a nice little composition about college life by Relient K, Help! by the Beatles, which pretty much sums up college life, the three best songs by Pink Martini I could find on the internet, Whitworth's unofficial theme song (I'll Make a Man Out of You, trust me, you hear it everywhere), Symphony No. 9 by Dvorak, and Symphony No. 25 by Mozart. Enjoy. I know I am. It's almost midnight. Yay University.
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