It's always awkward transitioning from college to home. Something about your parents being present really changes personality dynamics. Classical juries went really well by the way, best yet in fact. Now I just have to find a job.
With that said, my mom is amazing. She and dad came to help me move out of the dorm and let me tell you, I have never seen someone more enthusiastic about cleaning. I could not take the vacuum away... My mom's used to being responsible for pretty much everything, so I don't think she fully realizes that her youngest is almost 20 and capable of helping out with a bit more than just emptying the dishwasher. It's a control thing.
The problem is convincing her of this. The other day, however, after she had been out working all day and I had been home sitting around, I was determined to contribute in some fashion. I told my mom I would be making dinner. My parents looked at me like I might have a high fever.
"What brought this on?" my dad asked skeptically.
"I want to learn how to cook! That's all!" Well, that and as I've basically been raised on guilt, I was feeling guilty for the fact that mom had been out working all day. It took some doing to shoo her out of the kitchen, but I finally convinced her to hand me a recipe and leave me alone.
It was some sort of fish. After covering the filets with bread crumbs the recipe wanted me to "brown" them in a skillet. I wasn't quite sure what that meant. I mean, obviously I was supposed to put the fish in a skillet, but how long did it take for said fish to be "browned?" I wasn't sure. So I had to ask mom. A couple of minutes apparently. Well that was easy enough.
Except that I turned on the wrong burner and didn't realize that I wasn't heating up the frying pan at all until I smelled smoke. Luckily, I was in time to save things. I just wouldn't mention that. So after the fish had been in the skillet for a couple of minutes I went to flip them over. Easier said than done. They fell apart. So instead of three fish filets, I had several bits and pieces of fish rolling around in a skillet. I was still not asking for help.
I managed to reconstruct the filets. The recipe called for cheese, and I only hoped, as I stuck everything in the oven, that the melted cheese would hold everything together.
I didn't burn anything and dinner actually turned out to be completely edible, if a bit late. So, all in all, it could have been worse.
Well it's over. Ish. I do have classical juries looming on Friday, and maybe I should be worried, but I've actually had such a good experience with that this year I'm kind of looking forward to it.
I made a huge mistake yesterday, and I'm still kicking myself for it. I'm pretty disappointed in myself. Basically, without getting into the details, I missed my students' piano recital. I didn't have to, but for some reason I just totally blanked. I'm not just a bad student, I'm a bad teacher and a bad person as well. So I need to call them and make amends, but I'd rather not dwell on this too much as it's pretty painful for me to think about.
Anyhow, the fallout of that was that I could not focus on my theory project. After 1:00am rolled around (I'd been there since 10:00), I decided I may as well do what I've always known I would do. Spend the night at the music building. I had a sweatshirt and a poofy backpack for a pillow and the only thing I really lacked was something to cover my feet. By 2:00 I was so emotionally and physically drained I decided I would sleep for an hour and start again at 3:00. I actually did manage to sleep on that practice room floor, but when 3:00 rolled around, I decided I didn't care if I failed Theory, I just wanted bed. So I stumbled out of the music building and fortunately was able to bike back to Stewart (it's a looong walk at night). Yay sleep! Yay relatively soft mattress!
But this meant that when I woke up at 8:00 I still had a large portion of my Theory project to do (which was worth 10% of my grade)... Plus I had a German final I'd barely studied for, but it wasn't cumulative so I wasn't too worried and besides, with language it's a bit different. If you know the mechanics and the vocabulary, you're golden. So I mapped out my project (a four-part jazz arrangement of "Ten Minutes Ago" from Rodgers and Hammersteins' Cinderella featuring alto sax). My German final wasn't until 1:00 and so I had just enough time to work out the A section. Took the final (and actually had some lunch!) and then I worked out the B section just in time for our "theory" party at 3:30.
And from that point on the week became somewhat enjoyable. I got to sit and listen to everyone else's projects, Brent's wife and small daughter (who is SO cute! And apparently has a fondness for cake) dropped by and brought "munchies." And since then I've just kind of been trying to relax while fighting the urge to sleep so I can go back to having a regular time schedule.
So, I planned to get up at 6:00 this morning, but after a glorious eight hours of sleep I got up at 8:00. Studied for Intro to Business until 9:30. Had breakfast. Studied for Intro to Business until 1:00. Took my Intro to Business final. Jack didn't make enough copies (he's had some orginizational problems this year. Like the time when he gave us copies of the answer key instead of the tests...). The actual final went okay, all though I had to borrow a pen from the office upstairs. Way to be prepared!
Had a light lunch at 2:00ish. Then practiced for jazz juries until the actual jury at 4:30. Oh jazz juries...
I didn't know I could play that badly... I mean, I kind of knew, but... It was SO bad! Brent's been telling me not to play timidly, so I was super-focused on this. Unfortunately I also absolutely grid-locked the moment I walked in that room. It's always the same, Brent along with one or two other anonymous jazz faculty sitting there in front of the piano with their pens and their evaluation sheets just STARING at you. It might be better if they weren't so nice, but they generally have eager smiles plastered across their faces. You hate to disappoint them.
So I'm thinking to myself "Play aggressively, play aggressively, play aggressively..." and finally they tell me start. And I do, and it's okay except... No, wait, not that fast! Stop! This is bad... And just like that everything starts to fall apart. I have no control over what I'm playing, no control. I'm just watching in horror as my hands fly across the keyboard... I want to do something, but it's like I'm in some sort of weird trance and my hands honestly have a mind of their own. "I need to use that bass figure," I remember. So I try to implement it, but it's way to fast, almost comically frantic. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. THIS is what I practiced all semester for? I can feel my face getting red. The solo section begins, and I'm just filling space. As long as I keep playing, everything will be alright, I won't have to look up at them. I've forgotten all about vocalizing or playing simple motifs, my hands play as many notes as they can fit in and I wish it sounded impressive but it pretty much reflects my absolute terror at the moment. I finish the song, and I truly wish the ground would swallow me up. They're faces are disturbingly indiscernable. I wish they would just say it sucked and let me leave.
Instead Brent asks me to play some ii-V-I progressions. Sure, whatever, just another thing for me to screw up on. And I do screw up. Okay, next humiliation.
My Funny Valentine. I'd actually been hoping to start with this one as I wasn't even sure I could remember all the chords. I start alright, although by now I'm too numb with mortification to play anything resembling music. I fumble through it, missing notes and pausing at difficult sections and FINALLY Brent tells me to stop. Then I have to sit through 2 agonizing minutes of one guy's critique because he didn't have a sheet to write on. He's very nice about it, but I feel like breaking into hysterical laughter when he tells me it sounded "frantic." Just how bad was it I wonder? I'm so glad I can't remember clearly.
The only time I've exited a room faster was when Brent asked me to sing for him during jazz lessons... You know, music teachers really do get to see the inner-most facets of your personality. It's a little disconcerting.
And so I shuffle across campus, basically, in the words of Professor McPherson "Thinking about death." And I still have to do a music theory project by tomorrow even though my enthusiasm for the art form is decidedly nil at the moment.
Stay tuned tomorrow for my German exam and our Music Theory "party?"
Okay, all-nighters are just stupid. I KNOW this. And yet, I definitely pulled my first all-nighter last night. No sleep. At all. It's because of this stupid Reporting for Mass Media article I had to write. It was on worship music, and I had a really difficult time contacting people so that in the end all I had were three sources. I asked for an extension but McPherson said no. Dang it McPherson! So this is pretty much how to be a bad student.
Why I Am A Bad Student #1 - I was so intimidated by this final paper that I kept putting it off. Procrastination, while something I joke about, really does bite me in the end. For some reason I could not make any progress on it. It's amazing how something that you spend 5 plus hours on can still be so crappy... So I don't even know about that class. If I had the time and energy I could try and revise my other paper and bring my grade up that way (I think I'm getting a B-, and if that turns into a C I will be really unhappy with myself, not to mention my parents...) Anyhow, I don't know, I may just give up on that class and be done with it as there's no guarantee I'll get a better grade on the revision anyways.
In other news, why do I insist on making an idiot out of myself in front of my professors? I was kind of embarrassed about asking for an extension, and so for some reason I could not shut up as I was waiting for my article to print so I could turn it in today. McPherson must have wanted to cry. I kept talking about Calvary Baptist, and as usual he proved that he was way more knowledgable about any subject known to mankind than I was. Okay, except for music, I definitely know more than him there. But honestly, sometimes I just want a roll of duct tape that I can use when I start feeling awkward and making a fool out of myself...
Why I Am A Bad Student #2 - Meanwhile I was super-tired today. I slept a ton, which means I now have a lot of catching up to do for my Intro to Business class. The nice thing is I have all of tomorrow morning as well as tonight, so I may be able salvage that. But I should have started studying a long time ago.
Why I Am A Good Student! - So I AM doing well in German. Aced my oral eval today and I scored above the 200 level on the placement exam. That bodes well for the final on Wednesday although I really haven't been as on top of this as I was last semester.
Why I Am A Bad Student #3 - Ugh, Jazz juries. I ALWAYS screw up jazz juries. And I actually was pretty good about practicing this year. Brent seems to think I'll be able to play proficiently in a few years. He keeps referring to future gigs, but I think he's nuts.
Why I Am A Good Student! - Last Theory test of the year today and I swear I aced it! Woohoo! So easy. Jazz harmonies? Thank you jazz lessons. Of course you play a melodic minor scale based on the third of a half-diminished chord! Doesn't everyone know that?
SO! I need to go get some caffeine, log in some serious practice hours and hit up the library. In other news they FINALLY fixed the heat in Stewart. Yay! Four days to go.
It's been one week since you looked at me Cocked your head to one side and said "I'm angry" Five days since you laughed at me saying "Get that together, come back and see me" Three days since the living room I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you Yesterday you'd forgiven me But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry
Hold it now and watch the hoodwink As I make you make you stop, think You'll think you're looking at Aquaman I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss And I like the sushi 'case it's never touched a frying pan Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes Big like LeAnn Rimes Because I'm all about value Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through Gonna make a break and take a fake I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours Gotta see the show, 'cause then you'll know The vertigo is gonna grow 'Cause it's so dangerous you'll have to sign a waiver How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve I have a history of takin off my shirt
It's been one week since you looked at me Threw your arms in the air and said "You're crazy" Five days since you tackled me I've still got the rug burns on both my knees It's been three days since the afternoon You realized it's not my fault not a moment too soon Yesterday you'd forgiven me And now I sit back and wait till you say you're sorry
Chickity China the Chinese chicken Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' Watchin' X-Files with no lights on We're dans la maison I hope the Smoking Man's in this one Like Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic Like Sting, I'm tantric Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy Like Kurasawa, I make mad films Okay, I don't make films But if I did they'd have a Samurai Gonna get a set a' better clubs Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back swing Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon 'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes That make me think the wrong thing
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve I have a history of losing my shirt
It's been one week since you looked at me Dropped your arms to your sides and said "I'm sorry" Five days since I laughed at you and said "You just did just what I thought you were gonna do" Three days since the living room We realized we're both to blame, but what could we do? Yesterday you just smiled at me 'Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry.
So I woke up this morning a little later than I'd hoped, but full of good intentions and the drive to accomplish something. I'd scheduled an interview with the worship coordinator from New Community at the Service Station at noon, and I got up around 10:30 or so. I didn't feel the need to hurry but I was ready to go by 11:00 when it dawned on me. I couldn't find my keys. Shucks. Now what?
I tore the room apart. I searched through both my backpacks five times, checked all my jeans and sweatshirt pockets, looked down in the laundry room, thoroughly investigated the inside of the couch (otherwise known as the black hole, it eats things) and actually cleaned up and organized some papers. Nothing! I was getting worried because, while the Service Station isn't super far, it would probably take me at least a half hour if not more to walk there. My bike was across campus and I'm not comfortable riding it on Nevada anyways. So I began to frantically call my friends and finally got a hold of Erica. She was working, but she made some calls for me and her friend Tom was able to drive me over. It was nice of him and I was only ten minutes late.
After the interview (which went well), I bought some coffee because I'd used their venue and then prepared myself for the long walk back. Luckily I ran into a fellow music major who was just heading back to campus. All is going well. So far.
Lunch (well, breakfast) was an odd affair. I ran into my friends Jessie and Gabriella and as usual Gabriella offered to introduce me to the others at the table. Here's the thing, my dorm's Resident Director was sitting at the table AND I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HER! It was TOTALLY a context thing I swear! I'm not around Stewart a whole lot, but I have seen Katrina on a number of occasions and I do know who she is. But for some reason I didn't make the connection and firmly stuck my foot in my mouth. I was pretty much silent for the rest of the meal, but I didn't want to leave before they did because I could just imagine what they would say after I left! I KNOW I'm socially inept at times, but I don't TRY to be... I am such a dork.
When I returned to the dorms I realized my decision to where jeans and a sort of long-sleeved shirt was a bad one. It was really hot. Hotter than the weather forecast had predicted. I ordered my mom's mother's day/late birthday gift and called home for directions to the restaurant we're going to tomorrow, and then I looked for and finally found my keys (they WERE in one of my backpacks after all! Backpacks have too many pockets...) By this time it was unbearably hot in my room. I'm used to this because my house does not have air conditioning and it gets super hot upstairs in the summer. But this was ridiculous.
I went to open the windows all the way and realized that THERE WAS HEAT COMING OUT OF THE HEATER! What the...!? I checked the thermostat, but it was down as far as it could go. Why was the heat on? I went downstairs to check with the Resident Director who I had indirectly insulted at lunch, but she wasn't there. But I discovered that pretty much all the heaters in Stewart were on in some strange variation of the heat being broken. As long as the sewage system stays intact (it broke last year) I will be happy, but it's still pretty brutal. The bathroom is the worst, it must be close to 110 degrees right now... I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight, and showering in the morning could be an adventure. I was pretty dehydrated before I finally wised up and evacuated the building. I felt so yucky.
I had planned to go to the Saturday service at St. Mark's Lutheran as part of my journalism project. I felt a little awkward just showing up by myself, but I grabbed my stuff and went for it. It would have been one thing if I had been early, but by the time I got there I was either right on time or late. I didn't want to walk in late by myself. I was still considering things when, for some reason someone honked at me! (Was I drifting into their lane? What did I do?) This is a testament to how ridiculously sensitive I am and how much I can not handle anger. I don't get angry, I don't think I'm really capable of it, and I hate it when people get angry at me. I feel awful. So I felt like crawling into a hole because I hate it when people get angry at me when I drive AND when I do a bad job driving. Then I thought "what if they're going to the church service, what if it's someone I know?" So, as I said, in a testament to how sensitive I can be I turned around and went back to campus. What a waste of time and gas money...
And now it looks like the first thunderstorm of the season will be tonight. Rain and lightning with open windows. Woohoo. I love thunderstorms though. Once I asked my mom if I could go take a walk during one and she pretty much told me 'no' in every way possible. I could stand outside and try to catch a virgin pinecone (an unofficial requirement for graduation), but I should at least try to get SOMETHING done before I go to bed. Which means I should probably stop typing this. Still, it was such an odd day...
So I went to Karen's schola concert last night. So good! I feel sorry for people who only listen to one type of music. They miss out on so much! Generally this goes for non-music people, but sometimes we music nerds can get caught up in our superiority and overlook the fact that there's some pretty good stuff out there, and it doesn't have to be 100 years old. Likewise it can be. Or more.
Mostly right now I'm just trying to distract myself from the enormous amount of stuff I have to do. I just had my LAST EAR TRAINING CLASS. The final went okay, and I got an 'A' on my transcription even though I made a bunch of mistakes. I'd hate to see what a 'B' looks like. I will miss Ear Training a lot. I figure I'll try and continue by working on Mini-Mel (it's a computer program) and doing lots of transcriptions but I won't have anyone to check and see if they're right. But there's no substitution for sight-reading rhythms with 12 other peopl (1 ta-ta 2-ta-te-ta, 3-la-lee, 4-ta-te), I won't start my Tuesdays and Thursdays by singing a Bach chorale anymore, I won't get to hear Brent's amazing piano skills every day, and there will be no more Ear Training competitions! Honestly, I've developed so much as a musician just because of this measly one-credit class that gives everyone a headache. You put tons of work into it, and it's only one credit! *le sigh*
I really can't believe how much we've covered in only two years (I can't believe it's been 2 years!) I can sight-read quite a bit USING SOLFEGE! The only song I could sing in solfege before coming here was Do-Re-Mi from the Sound of Music. I always assumed that a good ear was something you were just born with and there was nothing you could do about it. Not true! Music does come more easily to some people, but you really can develop your ear if you work at it.
Now if I could only be done with Reporting for Mass Media. That's a class I won't miss.
So I'm taking down "Tank!" even though it makes me sad to do so. I think I'll put up a few different musics I've been enjoying lately. Yay for diversity!
I thought I'd take a break from my anime obsession (kind of) to inform you that this blog has officially been around for a year. Wow. If you scroll way back into the depths of worthless ramblings you will find a post about Housing Lottery last year. It was craziness. This year was too, but mostly because I couldn't figure out where to live until the last minute.
1. FIRST I thought Katrina and I (at least I had a roommate set up) could live off-campus. But that becomes difficult when she's in France and you have to look for the apartment by yourself. It just wasn't a responsbility I felt was safe to take on my own shoulders.
2. So I thought we'd go for a theme house, the next best thing. Well, first we had to find at least one other person to theme house with us. We did find 2 other people, which changed to one other person, and then back to 2 other people, and I actually submitted our proposal but we didn't get the house. I wasn't too surprised.
3. SO then one of our people still needed a roommate so we decided on a triple in Ballard. Well, she found another roommate so we were down to
4. a double in Ballard. Except then I got approached by a group of 4 other girls who wanted to go for a...
5. 6-person pod in Duvall. Okay. So that was the plan until the night of housing lottery, when I found out there had been some miscommunication and they were going for Boppell instead. *blinks* Okay, Katrina and I will just...
6. go for Ballard again. Except... The girls who were going for Boppell ended up in Duvall. And so did my other prospective theme house people and a lot of other people I know. Okay... Well, it's really far from the music building but it sounds like a bunch of fun.
7. A double in Duvall it is! Whew.
The actual lottery went pretty well since Katrina and I are both upperclassmen. We had 7 housing points together (I got to wear her nametag as well as mine, which felt a little strange). I was actually first in line at housing lottery! FIRST. It was so weird after all the stress last year. It meant I actually had to make a decision, which was really difficult without Katrina's input. I finally decided on a room in the basement and I've heard that's a good floor. So in the end everything worked out and I'm really looking forward to next year! I still have to contend with this year though... Only 2 more weeks until finals! Gaaackkk!
Okay, so now we're changing gears, a lot. Forget fantasy, kingdoms, swordfights (well, almost), and the epic feel of Escaflowne. Cowboy Bebop is a completely different animal. Ponder the title for a moment. Cowboys, associated with Westerns, sunsets, and (ugh!) country music... And Bebop, the epitome of cool. It actually is rather fitting but, WHERE do they come up with these ideas? Cowboy Bebop is about a group of bounty hunters who act like film noir detectives, oh yeah, and it's set in a futuristic Star Wars type world. Once again, where do they think of these things? And can Hollywood start borrowing some of their ideas? Because this series definitely blew me away. It's so original, so quirky, and so new. Drawback: this is definitely Adults Only. Rated R. Not all of it, but there are certain episodes and certain scenes that go beyond PG-13. I know. I'm a bad person. But, but, but *stammers* oh just watch the trailer...
So that music, playing during the trailer? It's by Yoko Kanno. That is a tune called "Tank!" and it's amazing. Please listen to it. It's on the sidebar. I told you Yoko Kanno was diverse right? Well here's where it really shows. Cowboy Bebop utilizes jazz, swing, blues, and even some rock amongst other things. The music to Cowboy Bebop can be... a little strange... Consider that the name of Yoko Kanno's band is "The Seatbelts." But this is exactly what I love about anime. It can be so out of the ordinary. Ordinary gets boring after a while. One of the funny things about anime songs (or J-pop in general) is that they use Engligh sometimes. Sometimes it's just three words followed by a string of Japanese. Apparently they think it sounds cool. When a whole song is in English generally it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. :-) This next tune is called "Bad Dog No Biscuits," and it's a little strange with crazy guitar riffs, random cheering, and some down and dirty 'bone solos. Get it? Oh dear, bad pun.
The first episode introduces us to Spike Spiegel and Jet Black, two space-age bounty-hunters or "space cowboys" (weird phrase huh. Their ship is called "the Bebop," thus Cowboy Bebop). Spike and Jet are pretty good at what they do, but they're generally broke anyways. The reason being Spike causes a lot of damages while chasing down a bounty and these have to be payed off. Who knows how long these two have been operating this way, but things are about to change. It starts when they go after a dog-napper with a huge bounty on his head (episode 2). The dog, we find out later, is some sort of genetically altered genius and that's why it's so valuable. Spike and Jet never figure this out though, so after losing the bounty, because they're both really big softies at heart, they keep Ein as a pet. Ein is adorable and generally knows exactly what's going on even when everybody else is clueless. Awwwwww.
Next tune: Piano Black. Kanno uses a lot of sound effects in her music and usually it's very effective.
The next addition to the Bebop crew is my least favorite. Faye Valentine. Faye is actually a pretty good character. Spike and Jet run into her at a casino, where she's working as a dealer. Eventually Faye teams up with the two, thinking that if she nabs a huge bounty she'll be able to pay off her enormous debt. And where does that debt come from? Well, if you don't mind the spoiler, the truth is Faye knows next to nothing about her past. This is because she was cryogenically frozen decades and decades ago, and now that she's been revived she's left with a mountain of medical bills and a case of amnesia. Plus she's been through a bad relationship since so she pretty much hates men. The only thing I don't like about Faye is her tendency to dress provocatively. Come on, wear some real clothing please. Other than that Faye's pretty much equal to Spike and Jet in terms of skill, so it's nice to see a strong female character.
I actually don't know what this next tune is called. I don't remember it from the series, but it's a good representation of some of the quirky music Kanno writes.
The final addition to the Bebop crew is my favorite. Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Trivusky the 4th. Ed for short. Ed is... a girl. Genius. A 13-year-old girl genius. Named Ed. Actually, Ed doesn't know her real name so she made this one up which, in the words of Spike "if you made it up then how can you be the 4th?" Ed is amazing. Like Ein, she generally knows what's going on even when everyone else doesn't. Before she joins the Bebop, Ed is known as the famous hacker "Radical Edward." When she's suspected of hacking into a satellite a bounty is put on her head and the rest is cowboy history. Ed is as wacky and weird as they get. Her dialogue generally doesn't make sense, except that it does, once you realize what's really going on. That probably doesn't make sense but needless to say Ed is awesome. The following quote pretty much sums up Ed. "I think I know, I don't think I know, I think I know, I know I don't think I know, I don't think I think..."
Music is used in interesting ways in this show. This next song, which I know as "Green Bird" although I've heard it called "ELM" and "The Ballad of Fallen Angels," is actually used in a chase scene. It's a very emotional moment, so it makes sense to not do the obvious thing and use upbeat chase-scene music. I like that kind of subtlety.
And then of course we have Spike and Jet. Jet is also a favorite of mine. An ex-cop with a tough exterior, Jet's actually a big softie with a love for cooking. And jazz music. Jet pretty much acts as a mother-figure, which is pretty hilarious. He really cares about everyone else on his ship and although he acts like he's angry with them it usually masks the fact that he's worried about them. In his own words, "I'm Jet Black, 36 years old. I'm often told I don't look 36, but you shouldn't judge people based on appearances... or how much hair they have..."
This next tune is called "SPY." Very James Bond.
And finally we have Spike. Spike's kind of like Jet in that he pretends to have a tough exterior. In his own words, "There are three things I hate the most: Kids, pets, & women with additude. So tell me, why do we have all of them packed into our ship!?" But Spike feels responsible for his comrades and it shows. As for himself, Spike's pretty laid-back with a devil-may-care attitude towards his own safety, a tendency to push people a way, and really poofy hair. His fighting style is a tribute to Bruce Lee I guess, although I'm not really that familiar with Bruce Lee. Needless to say, Spike can hold his own in a fight. Spike has an interesting past (he was a former criminal and now he's paired up with an ex-cop. Interesting, neh?)
Okay, okay! I know you will like this song even though it has one sort of swear word in it sort of. I'm amazed at the use of instrumentation here. Contemporary vocals and pipe organ. It's awesome!
Oh wait? I almost forgot! Who is this menacing fellow? Well there has to be a villain doesn't there? This one is straight out of Spike's jaded past and is aptly named Vicious. We don't see him often, but when we do generally a very cool fight scene ensues. Let's just say that Vicious defies the saying "never bring a knife to a gun fight." Vicious is a great villain, which is interesting because you feel absolutely no sympathy for him. He's just evil. Yet he has depth somehow. Plus, let's face it, a black suit and a katana? Cool.
Cowboy Bebop's plot is exclusively character-driven. If any outside struggle does come along, it's generally only for one episode. The main storyline deals exclusively with the characters' pasts and how they relate to one another, which is interesting. Because they're all looking for something, and as I heard someone say, they don't realize that what they're looking for is right there with each other. The show is very clever with more references than I could ever catch or understand. Every episode either refers to a song title or a style of music ("Asteroid Blues," "Jupiter Jazz," "Gateway Shuffle," "Mushroom Samba"). The show can be simultaneously funny, deeply emotional, and reflective. Unfortunately there's exessive violence and some sexual references that I could definitely do without, which is partially why it's only my number three. (Sometimes I think the Japanese are more obsessed with violence than we Americans are). But altogether it's a solid and unique piece of work.
Like most anime, Escaflowne takes several forms. Usually anime begins as "manga," or what we would call comics. If the original manga is popular there will probably be an animated series, probably a movie (or 2 or 3), video games... You get the idea.
Escaflowne actually started out as an animated series, which is unusual. There are a couple of spin-off mangas but I hear they're both not that great. I haven't really been able to get into manga anyways.
And then there's the movie. Anime movies follow a couple of different patterns. They can tell backstory, or just be a completely new idea or a continuation of a series, (there are standalone movies as well, but we're talking of movies that are based on a series). The Escaflowne movie is a little different in that it's a retelling of the series. And it's kind of neat. The world of Gaea has a whole new feel, very tribal and almost middle-eastern. While the artwork of the series is AMAZING (I mean, really, even with the pictures I put up, there's no way to describe), the movie's artwork is even better. It's sooo amazingly gorgeous.
Unfortunately some idiot decided that it was possible to retell the entire complex story of the series with only an hour and half of time. Come on people, 2 hours at least! So things get paired down quite a bit and to be honest, the movie isn't that great because of this. Oh the possibilities. Characters become 2-dimensional, the plot is almost impossible to follow (forget it if you've never watched the series), and so we end up with an interesting world with a lot of sword swinging.
Instead of the Zaibach empire under Emperor Dornkirk, we have the Black Dragon Clan/Empire which is lead by Van's brother Folken (replacing Dornkirk as the villain). They're taking over the world, yada yada yada. The central story however, is the relationship between Van and Hitomi, as it was in the series. There's no time for love triangles and complications though. Van loves Hitomi, Hitomi loves Van, straight and to the point. So, sadly, my favorite character Allen is left on the sidelines. He may have a cooler outfit, and he still knows how to kick Van around, but Allen barely gets any screen-time. Sad day!
Hitomi herself is altered quite a bit. Instead of a happy-go-lucky highschool freshman, she's a highschool senior suffering from depression. There's no mention of fortune-telling or tarot cards that played such a central role in the series. Instead, Hitomi is called to Gaea by Folken because she is believed to be the legendary Wing Goddess who calls the dragon-armor Escaflowne.
As I said, the story is extremely weak. I don't understand the finer points of half the scenes. Why does Van have wings? What exactly happened with Folken? What's up with Hitomi's pendant? Things that were addressed in the series are simply left unanswered here. However, the fight scenes are well-done (if you can handle the blood, it's even more gory than the series, a common trait in anime...) and as I said, the artwork is just gorgeous. The music too is impressive. Yoko Kanno scored this as well, and she takes a different approach (that versatility I was talking about) and gives the movie a new, tribal feel.
The movie opens with Van attacking an enemy transport. He's using his wings to his advantage and so we first see a blue sky, and then wings in the distance, and then Van falling rapidly towards the transport. The music is perfectly synced. As Van lands, drums begin and then at his first attack, the rhythm accelerates until finally the violin comes in. Perfectly synced, completely different from the series, and pretty much amazing.
This next track is also interesting in that you can hear hints of the "Duel of the Fates" (which was composed later in case you're suspicious).
When the choir comes in, it's definitely the same chord progression as the Duel of the Fates, and the melody is similar just a little later. :-) Oh Yoko Kanno, you are so cool.
Warning, the following post is really, really long...
The Vision of Escaflowne is, I think, my favorite anime. Escaflowne is unique in that it spans so many genres. It can be described as a romance/action/sci-fi/fantasy/drama/epic and whatever else you want to pull out of the hat. The uniqueness of Escaflowne's world is really what draws me to the series, but even without that, so many things are done so well I can't help but love this series.
The music to Escaflowne is absolutely fantastic, so be sure to listen to the samples as you read through. I'll try and space them out a little.
Escaflowne has very strong fantasy and sci-fi elements. There is sword-fighting, dragons, kingdoms, knights, princesses, and even a variety of different races (no elves or dwarves though). Escaflowne's overall feel is decidedly fantasy, which is why I like it. But there's a lot of sci-fi too. Robots (they're giant suits of armor, called guymelefs), scientific experiments, and advanced technology all play a large role, but it all fits somehow. The story itself is rather complex, so I'm posting the trailer as an introduction.
Okay, so the trailer doesn't do it justice. Basically, Hitomi is transported to Gaia just in time to see the country of Fanelia burned to the ground by the "evil empire Zaibach." She and Van, Fanelia's king, escape with Escaflowne and run to the neighboring country of Asturia. There they meet the knight Allen Schezar. Allen feels the injustice of what Zaibach has done and feels Zaibach won't stop with Fanelia. He takes Hitomi and Van to petition Asturia's king to act, but the king is a coward and turns a blind eye to the threat. So Van, Hitomi, and Allen band together to fight Zaibach and uncover the mystery on why Zaibach is so intent on capturing Escaflowne.
Rather than try to take you through Escaflowne's long, complex, and confusing storyline, I'll introduce you to its characters. The best plot ever written would be nothing without well-written, believable and interesting characters and Escaflowne has a large and diverse cast. True, there's enough angst to supply ten soap operas, but it's all so removed from every day life you actually sympathize with all the tragic pasts and contorted relationships.
Hitomi Kanzaki - until being transported to another world and getting caught in the center of a war Hitomi was your average high school freshman. Her life revolved around the track team. Her best friend was the manager, her crush was the team captain, and her goal in life was to beat 13 seconds in the 100 meter dash. Hitomi has a strange hobby though, fortune telling. (Unfortunately this plays a large part in the series. Because of the my Christian background I really dislike the use of tarot cards and dowsing in any setting, but the series does have some redeeming qualities so hear me out). When she is transported to Gaia, fortune telling becomes more than just a game. She starts having visions which are unfailingly accurate and thus becomes a desirable tool for either side. But there's more to Hitomi than this. It is Hitomi's care and concern for others that is her real asset. Van, Allen, and everyone else she comes in contact with come to rely on her emotional support and it is in this way that Hitomi makes the whole series tick. Unfortunately, the girl is rather inclined to be very silly. The first thing she does in Gaia is develop a full-blown crush on Allen (immediately after declaring her undying love to her team captain back home). In her defense, Allen does rescue her when she's in an emotionally unstable condition. Much of the series revolves around the love triangle (one of many love polygons) revolving around Van, Allen, and Hitomi. The series' message of unselfishness in love is something I appreciate and it's bittersweet ending drives this point home, a strong ending to a strong series.
Van Fanel - Van is angry, brash, arrogant, insecure, and headstrong. And no wonder. (major spoiler warning) Like so many in the series, both his mother and his father died when he was very young. His older brother left to complete the Rite of the Dragonslaying, required to become king. He never returned and the responsibility to gain the kingship fell to Van. Van only completes the Rite at the very beginning of the series and has only just been crowned king when Zaibach attacks. The first thing we witnesses as ruler of his people is Fanelia burning to the ground. Worse yet, he discovers that his brother didn't die during the Rite of the Dragonslaying, but has actually joined Zaibach and helped in attacking Fanelia. Van blames himself for being weak and has a rather distorted view of honor. But he has a lot of good qualities too. He's undyingly loyal, honest, and acts on his beliefs. The series does an excellent job of portraying Van's growth as a person over the course of the series.
Allen Schezar - Allen has issues. And really long hair. His father left his family when he was young, then his little sister disappeared, then his mother died... So Allen became a highway robber. He never lost a fight until he ran into one of Gaia's master swordsmen (the same guy Van learned from coincidentally). When he was defeated he threatened to kill himself (I was a suicidal teenage bandit!) Instead he became a knight of the round table, er, I mean Asturia. That's why he has those puffy sleeves. But it doesn't stop there. Allen's gained a bit of a reputation as a lady's man. It seems all three of the Asturian princesses were in love with him at some point (I'm rooting for Eries!) and so the king moved him to an outpost where he runs into Van and Hitomi and our story begins. I've got to admit, Allen's one of my favorite characters. The angst just drips off of him. And he's really good at swordfighting. Happily for angst-lovers Allen gets to confront ALL of his issues during the series! Bring on the flashbacks!
And behind all this is the main question of fate vs. free will. How much are we governed by the past and how much of our lives is our decision? I'm happy to say free will wins out and I must say you cannot find this kind of thing in American television.
One thing that's confusing about anime is that it's a cartoon, and here in the states, cartoons are for kids. This is not at all true in Japan. Cartoons are for everybody! Therefore, Escaflowne CAN have the depth it has. Well, that and blood...
Anime has a bad rep because everyone's used to seeing Dragonball Z and Pokemon and stuff like that. Not the highest production values. Escaflowne however is like watching a painting. I've been trying to choose pictures that illustrate this. There are certain scenes where you just want to take your tv and hang it on the wall.
And then there's the music. Yoko Kanno is one of my heroes. I'd say she's the best writer for film living. She's certainly more original than John Williams and, sorry Howard Shore, as much as I love LOTR Kanno's simply so diverse it's hard to compete. The next two animes I'm posting also feature scores by her and I think I'll be able to demonstrate what I'm talking about. For now, listen to this final piece. I hope you've enjoyed this brief venture into the Vision of Escaflowne. The amount of thought put into the world of Gaia, the story, the characters, well it pays off. And if things get a little convoluted from time to time, well, the show's just too cool for me to care. It definitely gets weirder as the series progresses until you finally wonder what kind of mind trip you stumbled onto. But when you get to the end, you realize it was worth it.
Okay... I have to confess. I. Like. Anime. Please still like me. Don't get me wrong! I'm not into gory, pornographic disgustingness. Nonononono... I try to stay away from that stuff. Far, far, far away. But still. There's something about some of it. An intelligent plot. Interesting themes. Art, music, characters with depth. And pretty much downright coolness. I just can't help liking it. I'm sorry!
It's not for everybody. I know a lot of Christians don't like it because it has "pagan" themes. Yeah. It's from Japan. They don't exactly have a rich Christian past. But there's still truth there, and it's not all corrupt. If I only read books with specifically Christian themes or watched movies with such I would be severely limited. Plus I don't know that that's wise. I think we should be open to other ideas so that when we are challenged we can respond intelligently. If something is wrong or goes against my belief, I should first of all be able to identify that and secondly be able to explain why I disagree. I can't do that if I live in a vacuum. And I certainly can't hold intelligent conversations with non-Christians if I don't know where they're coming from. So yes, anime often employs pantheism and other traditional Japanese beliefs. That's to be expected. But I think I can approach it the same way I'd approach other non-Christian authors and art.
Secondly, it's definitely... different. A mind trip sometimes? I can understand why people don't get it. And unfortunately there's sometimes some inappropriate material but like I said this I try to avoid.
However I must try and defend myself. So I have been inspired by Karen's recent list of musicals to run my own of anime I like. Run, scream, do what you will, but please at least listen to the music I put up because IT'S SO COOL! So, looking forward to that.
I've applied for a theme house. If you don't know what a theme house is, it's a special type of on-campus housing. You have a theme (like piano, or cooking, or ninjas, yes there is a ninja theme house). We chose multicultural music. Then you have to draw up a proposal and submit it to Residence Life and they decide who gets a house. It's really nice because you don't have to pay utilities but you save some money because you don't have to have a meal plan. Do I think we'll get it? No. No frankly I do not. It was such a last-minute thing and I think I even made some grammatical errors etc. Yuck. But I did learn something I didn't know while putting together our proposal. Apparantly *drum roll*.... I'm a Junior! I have over 60 credits and have been a junior since the end of January. I had no idea. So that made me happy.
For once in the past few months I feel like I'm on top of everything. I went to bed at a decent time last night, did all my homework, and even had some free time. It has me feeling kind of paranoid to be honest. I've gotta be forgetting something.
Heidi is enjoying having a few minutes to breathe. She may call it procrastination, but she doesn't feel guilty about it. :-) So I did this thing.
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE? So, here's how it works: 1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc) 2. Put it on shuffle 3. Press play 4. For every question, type the song that's playing 5. When you go to a new question, press the next button Opening Credits:
Concert Duo Movement 3 – Joshua Bell and Edgar Meyer
(oooh, artsy… in a folk music way.Works well.)
Waking Up: Heart We Will Forget Him – Whitworth Women’s Choir
(I’m waking up to an Emily Dickinson poem…)
First Day At School: Strange Meadowlark – Dave Brubeck
(groovin’)
Falling In Love: The Magic Castle on the Mountain of Sweets – Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker
(it actually kind of works, although the title’s kind of funny)
Fight Song:
We’re Flying – Escaflowne Soundtrack
(Hmmm, no.That just doesn’t work on any level)
Breaking Up: On Fire – Switchfoot
(Good songness!And once again it actually kinda works)
Prom: Ashitaka and San – Princess Mononoke Soundtrack
(Okay never mind, this isn’t typical prom music not that I’ve ever been to one)
Life's OK: Bemsha Swing – Thelonious Monk
Mental Breakdown: Concerto for 2 Violins and Cello in D Minor III. Largo e spiccato – Antonio Vivaldi
(sad!)
Driving: Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia – Aram Khachaturian
(I’m going reaaaalllll slow.Or it’s a nice day out)
Flashback: Living Water – The 5 O’Clock People
(mmmm I love this group)
Getting Back Together: Scrapple From the Apple – My Jazz Combo this year
Wedding: At Friar Laurence’s – Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet
(you’ve got to be kidding)
Birth of Child: Short Trip Home – Joshua Bell and Edgar Meyer
(and we’re back to the folk music)
Final Battle: Eight’s Enough – written and performed by my brother Eric Olson
So if I were a "normal" maladjusted college student I'd have gone down to California, or Florida, or Mexico, or simply to my local pub and get smashed. At least I think that's the right expression. But I am most definitely not normal. So what did I do?
Well, I read a 700 page novel from the 1860's. Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell. It took me 2 and a half days. And when I'd finished that one I picked up "The Undomestic Goddess," a book a la Bridget Jones' Diary, and polished that off in my remaining free afternoon. Take THAT Harry Potter nerds! *Heidi, they're like 12, you're trying to compete with 12-year-olds by comparing how much you can read in a week...* Hmmm. Well never mind. I haven't started on Inkspell yet, or the biography on Johann Sebastian Bach, and I'm only a third of the way through "The World is Flat." This is FUN for me. Something's wrong here.
Of course this after I went to a Lord of the Rings party at Karen's house... *Heidi, you do realize people can access this blog from your Facebook account. You do have a link up. What if someone who THINKS you're normal suddenly realizes... Realizes... How much of a dork you really are!* Oh shut up. The voices are louder today than usual. It's a good thing I'll be going back to college soon and then I'll be busy enough to look as normal as a music major can. I'm NOT going into how bad of a music major I am. Nothing more needs to be said on THAT topic.
I read that my generation is extremely narcissistic (oh goodness that's hard to spell) compared to others. *GASP!* I don't know WHY! I mean, our parents flock around us and dote attention on us and make us the center of the universe. And then everyone starts scratching their heads saying "why do these kids think they're the center of the universe?" Okay, so maybe not all kids are so... lucky... Some are neglected, shuffled from foster home to foster home or coming home to an empty house while dad's at work, trying to meet the status quo. Bottom line is the article had a point. We have blogs and MySpace pages and Facebook accounts and all of these glorious "social networking" tools generally promote Me! I like my blog. I like reading over past entries and seeing where I was in my life. I'm too lazy to keep a journal. But I hope I don't become so self-centrered as to forget the value of others. God comes first, others second. This is what I was taught growing up and it still seems like an admirable philosophy still. So I'm hoping to be less self-centered on this blog and use it as a tool for communication. Not just about me, but about life and others and God too. We'll see how it works.
Cripes Mondays are busy. I try to get up at 6:00, sometimes it ends up being 7:00... I WILL do devotions! *sigh* I have classes from 8:00 until 10:30. Then I go to the Fitness Center (I am just not created to be sedentary. That's one thing that's been driving me crazy at college.) After that I do homework and get lunch etc. Then I have class again at 2:00 until 3:00. I have half an hour or so to prepare for piano lessons then I teach Grace and Grant for about an hour. Then I usually stay and practice for an hour. Then IDEALLY I would eat dinner and go back and practice for another hour but this generally doesn't happen because I usually eat dinner and then pass out on the couch. So now I have to practice still plus do more homework...
Mark Levine is giving a clinic and concert tomorrow. Super excited. Or I would be if I wasn't so groggy.
Now what I was originally going to post about. Keith's senior recital. Keith is well-loved. I've never seen the recital hall that full. They had to add an extra row of chairs in the front as well as along the aisle on either side. And people were standing in the back. In the words of one prof "we need that new recital hall yesterday." The music building's been on the top of list for rennovation for a while now. If they could only make it look less like a prison...
Secondly, with regards to Keith's recital, everyone should hear "The Dead Moth Tango" at least once. Too bad I can't remember who wrote it.
Let's see, my last post was on the 7th. Since then Karen and I went to an AMAZING Symphony concert. Thank You Karen. Hmmm, no point really posting about that though I suppose.
My parents are back from Israel. I can't believe that they went there, but it's very cool that they did. So I went home last weekend and looked at pictures and heard their stories. My mom's always wanted to go so I'm glad she got to. We're just becoming regular world travelers in my family and that's fine with me. :-)
This week was just really, really weird. I only got an hour and a half of sleep Thursday night because I had so much stuff to do. It all happens at once, I swear. And it's not like I was slacking off earlier in the week either. I just had a lot of work to do. So I did homework until 4:00 am and then I slept until 5:30 and then I finished my homework and went to breakfast and to class. After class I had a super-important job interview. I'm really hoping I'll get this job as a summer conference assistant at the college. Room and board are payed for, there's no commute, it would look great on a resume and it's definitely way better than harvest. Parts of the interview went really well but I definitely gave some really dorky answers to some of the questions. Way to be professional. And I'm sure I was a little, um, "mellow" as I'd only had an hour and a half of sleep.
So that was crazy. I slept so much after that.
Also, I went to 4 student recitals this weekend. There were so many. I would have gone to Nathaniel's on Thursday but that was the day I got an hour and a half of sleep. Even so, Shawn, who lives in my dorm, had a junior composition recital at 2:00 on Saturday. Then Keith, a super-amazing pianist, had his senior recital at 4:00. Then today Greg "don't hassle the" Hoff had his senior jazz trombone recital. Really really good. I thought I was done after that and was off to the library to listen to MORE music for classical piano lessons (I love college sometimes) when I realized my brother had called me while I was at Greg's recital. I'd forgotten that Jeff Wirth's senior composition recital was at 4:00 today as well. My brother doesn't know Jeff, but apparently he watches the college's website for any interesting events and decided he'd come. It was 10 after four when I got the message but I decided to go. I only missed the first piece and it was fun to see my brother and chat with him and Brent and Judith. It brought back memories of my brother's senior composition recital... *ooohh, I feel a flashback coming on!*
I might have been a freshman in highschool and I was starting to get really into music. My brother wrote some pretty contemporary stuff, but I tried to pretend I understood it. I remember though that I didn't consider myself a musician really (not much has changed... :-) ) I remember meeting one of Eric's professors (I think it was Michael Young). Eric said something about me having creative tendencies and I very distinctly remember thinking to myself "yeah but there's no way I'm ever going to get stuck as a music major." Ha. Ha. Ha.
Between that and practicing I'd estimate I spent a little under 10 hours in the music building this weekend. I am NOT a performance major dang it. I REFUSE to... do... this... *sigh* Do what you love I guess. I don't love practicing though. I am not a performance major. I am not a performance major. I am not a performance major.
Student recitals are cool in that you get to see these people you interact with every day showing what amazing musicians they are. There was a point when I thought "hm, I don't really belong anywhere within 50 yards of the music building. I'm totally wasting my professors' time." But I got over that jealous thought pretty quickly and just sat back and admired the accomplishments of my peers. The very least I can do is let them inspire me instead of getting bitter about it. They're generally so nice anyways. So that was a really good thing for me. Plus the music was amazing.
Well, I'd better go I have a German test tomorrow.
Please enjoy Albinoni's Adagio. Funnily enough it was mostly written by an "Albinoni scholar" who tried to salvage the work after the bombing of Dresden. He tried to piece together like 6 measures that he found. Still good though. :-)
"What's in the punch?" "Lemons and melons and pears." "Oh my!" ~Galinda and Fiyero
"I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow." ~Fiyero
"Listen, I've been thinking..." "Yes, I've heard." ~Fiyero and Elphaba
So whenever I try to get ahead in schoolwork, I fail. This time it started with iTunes. Since everyone in the dorm is hooked up to the same network I have access to a lot of music.
I've never really cared for the musical "Wicked." I'm not a huge "Wizard of Oz" fan, even so I don't like people messing with other people's stories, AND the idea of what is essentially fanfiction making money is weird to me. Not only that, but it just looked really dumb. I sang "No One Mourns the Wicked" in an advanced voice class at CYT once, and I was impressed with the music, but I didn't feel the actual musical worth my time.
But I got listening to someone's copy of the soundtrack on iTunes and discovered, to my surprise, that "Wicked" is a really intelligent musical. Okay, it's also kinda cheesy, but behind the fluff there's something substantial. It's based on a book, which partially explains it. But still, the book is essentially fanfiction! Who'd have thought? There are developed characters, an interesting plot, and serious themes. Weird.
So, I'm not certain I should post this as they took down the Scarlet Pimpernel videos... but... *looks around* *whispers* The ENTIRE show, start to finish, is on YouTube. :-) For a limited time only of course. You'll have to search for it yourself because I'm not linking.
So, I missed the first few minutes of this AMAZING FREE CONCERT by PETAR JANKOVIC and I'm kicking myself for it! WHY wasn't everyone on campus at this recital!? It was one of the best musical experiences I have ever had in my life. All 19 years of it.
I've been a mediocre student this weekend. Three-day weekends will do that. I've been entirely unmotivated. So I have a bunch of homework to do still and I need to get on it, but people have been going in and out of my room so I thought I'd post this real quick.
I went to the Scholarship Dinner tonight. Apparently I'm a Marketta Whitlow Buckler scholar, whatever that means. I'm appreciative though and while my donors weren't there I figured I'd better go. And the food was good. But it did cause me to miss the beginning of the amazing concert that trumps the entirety of the weekend.
So, first of all I recommend you check out this amazing musican's website. www.petarjankovic.net
Classical guitar is amazing. I'm really just going to sound like a dithering idiot on this post so I may as well shut up and do homework. But it was amazing. The recital hall was packed to standing room only as it should have been. This guy is internationally recognized and I hope we at least made his visit slightly worth his while. He was selling CDs after the concert, 2 for $20. I had to give in, but I didn't have the money on me. So I ran all the way across campus and back and managed to get the LAST PAIR of CDs. He autographed them too, which was cool. I wish I knew more about classical guitar I could have at least asked an intelligent question. As it was I just stood there in awe. Genuinely nice guy too it seemed like. That's rare in the music world.
So I'm putting up some classical guitar music, although it's not Petar Jankovic. Listen to the music samples on his website or something. Mmmmmm.
"There's just two ways to lose yourself in this life. And neither way is safe" ~The Economy of Mercy, Switchfoot
Something More (Augustine's Confession) ~ New Way to Be Human Augustine Just woke up with a broken heart All this time He's never been awake before
At thirty-one His whole world is a question mark All this time He's never been awake before
Watching dreams that he once had Feed the flame inside his head In a quiet desperation of the emptiness he says...
"There's got to be something more Than what I'm living for I'm crying out to You"
Augustine All his fears keep falling out All this time He's never been awake before
Finding now His old dreams aren't panning out All this time He's never been awake before
But he's mad to be alive And he's dying to be met In a quiet desperation of the emptiness he says...
"Hey, I give it all away Nothing I was holding back remains Hey, I give it all away Looking for the grace of God today"
"There's got to be something more Than what I'm living for I'm crying out to You"
The Losers ~ Learning to Breathe Only the losers win they've got nothing to prove They'll leave the world with nothing to lose You can laugh at the weirdos now Wait till wrongs are right They'll be the ones with nothing to hide
'Cause I've been thinking I've got a plan to lose it all I've got a contract pending on eternity If I haven't already given it away I've got a plan to lose it all
I've been the burnout kid I've been the idiot I'll turn the other cheek to be hit You can take what you want from me Empty me till I'm depleted I'll be around if I'm ever needed
I wrote this song for you To show how I'm selling out I'll take the benefit of the doubt
Life and Love and Why ~ Legend of Chin Life and love and why Child, adult, then die All of your hoping And all of your searching For what? Ask me for what am I living Or what gives me strength That I'm willing to die for
Take away from me This monstrosity 'Cause my futile thinking's Not gonna solve nothing tonight Ask me for what am I living Or what gives me strength That I'm willing to die for
Could it be this Could this be bliss Could it be all that I ever had missed Could it be true Can life be new And can I be used Can I be used
Give me a reason For life and for death A reason for drowning While I hold my breath Something to laugh at A reason to cry With everyone hopeless And hoping for something To hope for
Could it be true Can life be new Could it be all that I am Is in You Could it be this Could it be bliss Can it be You
Home ~ Legend of Chin It's a long way from Miami to LA It's a longer way from yesterday To where I am today
It's a long way from my thoughts To what I'll say It's a long, long way from paradise To where I am today
All that's in my head Is in Your hands
It's a long way from The moon up to the sun It's a longer road ahead of me The road that I've begun
Stop to think of all the Time I've lost Start to think of all the Bridges that I've burned That must be crossed
Take me over
I've been poison I've been rain I've been fooled again
I've seen ashes Shine like chrome Someday I'll see home
I can see the stars From way down here But I can't fall asleep Behind the wheel
It's a long way from the Shadows in my cave Up to Your reality to Watch the sunlight taking over Living is Simple ~Learning to Breathe Living is simple It's gravity Gravity isn't so hard Living is simple It's entropy Entropy, falling apart I'm falling apart again
Living is simple And breathing is easy It's easy to do Living is simple And losing is easy I'm losing my cool I'm losing my cool again
All will be made well Is this fiction? Hope has given himself to the worst Is this fiction or divine comedy? Where the last of the last finish first Living is simple
Living is dying Your mercy, Your mercy Is how I believe Living is dying I can't understand it I'm down on my knees Confessing my needs again
I've had my choices I've chosen today I've had my choices The choices remain On Fire ~ The Beautiful Letdown They tell you where you need to go They tell you when you need to leave. They tell you what you need to know They tell you who you need to be.
But everything inside you knows there's more than what you've heard There's so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words
And you're on fire when he's near you You're on fire when he speaks You're on fire burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around Give me one more chance to see Give me everything you are Give me one more chance to be near you
When everything inside me Looks like everything I hate You are the hope I have for change You are the only chance I'll take
And I'm on fire when you're near me I'm on fire when you speak I'm on fire burning at these mysteries
I'm standing at the edge of everything I've ever been.
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