Well That Was Awful

Briefly: I think the Marcus Roberts clinic today will forever be one of my worst memories of performing ever. I was so embarrassed by how poorly I did. I had the opportunity to play and be critiqued by an outstanding jazz artist, and I messed it up, played the wrong chords, and got lost during my solo. In was so embarrassed, and the jazz combos and instructors from Eastern and Whitworth were all there to witness me making a complete fool out of myself in front of these great jazz musicians. Oh yes, and the symphony staff. Could somebody please kill me so that I never I have to face these people again. Why do I always screw up when it really matters? I'm so unbelievably disappointed in myself, and I don't even want to think about combo rehearsal on Monday, or ensemble on Tuesday, or seeing Keberle and Edstrom around the music building and knowing that I reflected poorly on their program, their teaching and the university.

The jazz gig tonight went well though. I just tried to enjoy the relaxed environment and have fun, which was nice. The people there really seemed to enjoy it too, which is always nice. But it's been a weird day, and I kind of wish I could erase the whole thing from memory and start over.